Recapping 2008

Start of the year
I remember how I started the year, outside some bar and it was raining, real bad. It was so horrible it actually made me believe that it's gonna be a bad year.

Work
I remember that I went job hunting with friends and it was real hard. Job hunting for me is always hard. My friends finally found a decent place and I went for an interview too, but time wasn't real good, but it is as good as things would go. I got the job, but I had to turn it down. It was because I had to work for my mother, selling her product. I really hated it, but a son gotta do what a son's gotta do.
I remember hanging out at the working place for hours and no real customer really came. I remember setting stalls at Kenyalang Park during Chinese New Year, Saberkas, BDC and 12th mile.
I remember delivering them all around the place, to good customers, missing customers and not-so-good customers.
I remember newpaper adds, interview with reporters, touching all sorts of cars, learning a thing or two about car thingy.

Education
I remember struggling about my future, on where should I go, which route should I take. I had my mind fixed, then forcefully changed, when I accepted, I had to change again.
I remember wanting to go Swinburne and did went to the open day in March. I went there with my mother because my father couldn't make it. Got a little information, but honestly it didn't help much. I wanted to study in Swinburne as soon as possible, which is, in back then was the March intake. I wanted to go there because I couldn't stand secondary school system, may it be rules (too much crap) or study (too many subjects, can't focus). I really had my mind fixed on studying in Swinburne. However, my heart was shattered when my parents wanted me to study form 6. The news was broken to me just 3 days before form 6 started. I was in shock.
I remember applying to move schools, from SMK Pending to St Thomas and later applying to change from Science side to Art side. One morning, my father barged into my room when I was sleeping and woke me up. He said that the application would take half a year to go through, which means I would only go to Art side in 2009 regardless if my application to St Thomas goes through, half a year of form 6 wasted on waiting was his reason. So he took me to the open day in Swinburne during July. I actually enrolled for it, honestly I had my heart set on studying in form 6 because there are other benefits if I continued life in secondary school. Believe it or not but all the applications actually went through, did you know how slim the chances are for St Thomas to accept transfer students? And yet I got it! I couldn't let my parents know because they let me study in Swinburne just because they are concerned about the application taking and wasting too much time.
I remember wearing school uniform and heading off to school but ended up either in a friend's house or at Sungai Apong Market.
I remember sleeping in the car at the Sungai Apong carpark for a couple of hours, then going to the coffee shop for breakfast and spending a few hours there before heading home. Yes, I hid from my parents the fact that my transfer application to St Thomas was approved. My father was a stubborn man and so was I. He wanted me to continue to go to school, though I've already registered in Swinburne. I couldn't hang out in school anymore because the teacher was chasing for fees, I'm not doing homeworks and I have to report in at St Thomas by a certain date. I just had to do the things that I had to do, there was no excuse, just had to do it. I paid my price to study in Swinburne, I paid the price to do something I really want.
I remember orientation day in bother the secondary school and Swinburne. Secondary school, boring~ Swinburne, to my surprise, isn't. Guess that's the huge different.
I remember the 1st schooling day in Swinburne, the 1st class, my friends who helped me to class that I coincidentally met at Cilipeppers.
I remember sitting there trying to act or be real cool or rather cold.
I remember make jokes of the library room system which uses animal names.
I remember reading mangas in the open lab.
I remember spending time in the new library.
I remember the hard time trying to adapt.
I remember trying my 1st at going to the facilities such as open lab, library, cafeteria, common lounge and MPH.
I remember not sleeping the whole night completing and assignment.
I remember doing assignments like crazy.

Friends
I remember how I made new friends. A group of students who became a special group of friends by having a group chat through msn and are in the same class for a certain subject. The group was later known as GIFC, Great Innovative Family Club.
I remember inner conflicts as well as outside threats. I regret every bad thing that had happen, I regret even more if I had something to do with it happening.
I remember keeping my secondary school friends and hanging out or at least keep in contact with them. MacDonald, basketball, msn, meeting.
I remember the primary 6 reunion party. Had buffet dinner where there were a lot of leftovers. On the spot taking up the role as MC, making phone calls to those who didn't went to the reunion party. Singing crap and people actually seemed to enjoy it.

Church
I remember starting the year full of hope for the student group, being proud and all after sweeping most the the 'best of the best' awards in church. Had other titles such as 'best cleaning care group' during the church cleaning competition.
I remember planning for things, for the student care group. We had many booms and looking back, we weren't that creative but how did we came up with all those programs. Student camp, mini-sport, Christmas dinner. Those were huge roles and responsibilities for me, I can't handle it, but I had so much help.
I remember taking the leap of faith and increasing my church-building pledge. I was touched and so I did act. I'm so blessed now because I just seem to have enough money when it is time and still have money to feed myself full all the time.
I remember having huge target for the care group and church, I so believed that. I had the vision, I hold unto the value, I believed, I had faith, but I lacked the maturity to get it done. All I did was write numbers, but never actually executed anything, I used the word executed and not done, for a reason.
I remember learning tonnes of lessons, valuable and practical. From all the teachings, from all the teachers and from all the books. I hope they are a part of me now and that I shall live them out.
I remember bringing them out for sports and for recreation, but I never get what I wanted, I lacked something.
I remember going to church. Doesn't matter if I almost fainted, was sick , very busy or opposed by my family. This is how much the church and God meant to me, this is my commitment.


Life
I remember backsliding time after time, but manage to climb back again and again. That just shows how great God is.
I remember when I had chicken pox. I felt really horrible, I couldn't stand it, all the pain, all the sore, all the itch, I felt like I was gonna die. But by the grace of God, He helped me lived through it.
I remember having hurts, but I don't remember what they are. These hurts caused me great pain back then, but God lead me again. I was able to forgive and forget.
I remember giving out, sacrificing. Going all out despite my difficulties, tried my very best, but never get back what I wanted.
I remember things happen so I can learn, there is always something to learn and a lesson to be learnt, things happen for a reason.

Semester 1

I intended to post this for quite some time now, but due to certain reasons and circumstances (which include bad connection ), it had to be delayed. But delay no more as it is posted here and now.

There are 5 subjects in total, and grateful to say that I don't need to resit or retake any of them. I got 2 distinctions and 2 credits, I also progressed in my English. Seeing my friends having good results, I'm really happy for them, but in the same time a little disappointed in mine, haha. Well, it's not good, but not bad either. I am very grateful by the very least.

So I met a few friends, got use to the place. Semester 1 has proved to be quite pleasant and I had many 1st over here. It's a great experience and learning journey.

However, what I feel awkward is, I keep on making jokes even when others are not up to it and I don't do good at written exams. My assignments are near perfect, only my written exams, that explains my final results. Haven't gotten my ( I don't know what paper it is, nor what is it for ) result slip, they just had to put it from 2pm - 4pm but they are there during office hours.

Resisting the Powers of Pornography

By Steve Watters

Pornography is anything you see, read or hear that's designed to cause sexual arousal. It includes many types of media--magazines, books, movies music, the internet and more. Pornography promises thrills and sexual satisfaction, but it fails to deliver in these promises. It cant give anyone deep and lasting fulfillment.

A wise man once said, "can a man scoop fire onto his lap without his clothes being burned?" Along those lines, can you repeatedly bring sexually arousing images into your head without consequences? You may not be physically burned by sexual images, but psychologist argue that those images can actually be burned into your mind.

Emotional arousal causes the release of a hormone called epinephrine in your brain that chemically burns the pictures into your permanent memory. This affect is heightened by the combination of pictures and masturbation.

Porn affects real relationships, too. You may think that it's OK to experiment now, while you're single, but getting married won't stop a fascination with porn if you've already been feeding it. Often it's easier to get into a world of fantasy images than it is to get out.

Eve though pornography is not a source of lasting satisfaction, guys who view it usually do so because they are looking to fill a deep need. Pornography is a cheap substitute for what they're really seeking--intimacy. Intimacy means being known inside and out and being loved for who you are. Even is pornography provided accurate images of women (and it doesn't), it still only offers an image--not a real person. For many guys, an image is easier to relate than a young woman with a heart, mind and emotions. You don't have to impress an image or deal with any of the awkwardness that comes with relating to a real person. Porn promises intimacy and satisfaction, but leaves you empty and searching for more.


THE ILLUSION OF ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS
Some young people think chat rooms are a better alternative ti online porn sites because they provide opportunity to develop relationships that go beyond just images. but even words can distract people from their goal of real intimacy.

When interacting through chat rooms, e-mail or instant messages, you can be whomever you want to be. Most often, people give in to the temptation to exaggerate their strengths and camouflage their weaknesses.

An internet relationship can seem fun for a season -- swapping faceless messages can create the exhilaration of a masquerade ball. But after that season is over, what most people want is someone who will love them for who they really are. Intimacy of this kind requires a tremendous amount of face-to-face interaction. Cyber fantasies can never match the rewards of real-life relationships.

No Apologies, Chapter 2 - We All Want Healthy Relationships, page 24

No Apologies

17/11/08 - 18/11/08 I attended a seminar at Tadika Rhema. It was a seminar organised by Focus On The Family, something we always hear in supermarkets. This time, it's opened for churches and so I went as a member of my church. Almost 80 youths attended this seminar.

"No Apologies - the truth about life, love + sex"

It teaches about relationships, media literacy, premarital sex, STD, abstinence and marriage.

I'm gonna change my blogging style a bit from long boring texts to pictures.

The workbook

Randomly chosen to be the leader of my group, which I was shocked to be.

My group, group 9. 8 members and sadly I dont know their names apart from Ai Lian and Lin Sun. The empty spot is my seat. The other 5 are from the same church.

Hall B, been using this most of the time throughout the whole seminar.

Hall A, using this place only for the last chapter and pledge signing.

Cover of pledge card . Realise that there are 2? One is for the person itself and the other is for a witness.

My signature, my witness Ai Lian. Hurray for committing to abstinence!

My certificate.

Photo shot, with parents.

A video to cap things off. Choose Life by Big Tent Revival

From this day, I declare that I am committed to be sexually abstinence until the day I enter a life long, committed, monogamous marriage.

Living life with NO APOLOGIES

- Hiroshi Chong Yen
18/11/08 9.25pm

New Updates

So I didn't post for a long time. I think I'll write about stuff that happened to me since the last update, they are so many and so random, it explains the title.

Where should I start from ... ... Let's see


Assignment madness week
Week 13 which is last week, apart from mathematics subject, every subject had assignments to be done. Innovation, a group work to write out a report of our innovation, we made Multipurpose Vending Machine (thank you Calvyn for doing the final editing). IT, web page design about "Your Malaysian's Kitchen" and presentation (assignment and presentation on same week). Programming, Swinny Idol (thanks a lot Ezra). English, fact sheet (I didn't do this one, couldn't make it in time). Imagine the workload, it's insane! Throughout the whole week, I get an average sleep of 4 hours per days, that's like half of my usually sleep! I became a panda since Tuesday. Even until today, I'm still taking back my deprived sleep, been sleeping like crazy since Saturday.

Too many assignments result in lack of sleep, lack of sleep results in clumsiness, clumsiness result in bad driving, bad driving COULD result in accidents. Oh yeah, I fall asleep at the traffic light at Tabuan Jaya when heading to prayer meeting. I was very bad at driving those few days and real sorry to Tony and Leong Ling on Sunday afternoon, having to experience my post lack-of-sleep driving skills. Not only driving, but even my concentration on doing things are affected. I don't seem to talk properly, or do anything else properly. We were eating at Cillipeppers and Ezra asked me to help him order a chicken rice which cost RM3.80 and he passed to me RM10. I ordered my own beehoon-with-ultra-long-name which cost RM5. When I went back to the table, I only returned Ezra RM5, which shows I'm not thinking consciously. Sorry about that Ezra.


Rains of grace and healing
Same week (23-26), Bro Peter Truong was in Kuching and our church as healing workshop and healing rally. Everything was awesome because God is there and God is awesome. I couldn't stop smiling in both meetings, too bad I missed the one in SUPP on Friday night. About that night, went to Atmosphera with Calvyn, Chong and Ezra. After that, I struggled to drive to Chinese church because of fatigue, I felt like I was going to faint, but I keep reminding myself that it is going to be worth it because God is going to do great things. However when I did make it to the Chinese church, the healing rally wasn't there and I was too tired to ask and drive to the real location, I headed home instead. On this occasion, I was privileged enough to be prayed for my eyes.
My testimony:
"I have long-sightedness for maybe around 200 degrees now. It's no big deal, but I believe that I can have the best from God. After being prayed, I can see distant objects with sharper images, though sometimes they are clear and sometimes blur. I believe that God is adjusting my eyes."
Bro Peter Truong really showed that it was not him, but God who is the healer. Honestly, he didn't do much, which really comes to show that it's God. Thank you Uncle Han Ho for praying for me, everything that you said, was so true to my current situation and I will keep your advise.
"It's a challenge for me now, a time of testing. I must be close to God, to read the bible, to pray."


Academics
I got 32/40 from my 2nd mathematics exam. So tally up with my 1st exam, I have a total of 50/60. Which means I passed my mathematics, so I don't have to worry that much about mathematics and I can focus on other subjects which are not that 'safe' yet. Finished everything in IT, presentation, web page assignment, quiz and final exam. For every other subjects, it's all about the final exam now. Regarding MPW (mata pelajaran wajib) or compulsory subjects, I've decided to take the one in January. My only dilemma is work, working during that almost 2 month holiday, or one and a half month to be accurate. I'm bad at job hunting and my commitments to church makes it a little harder.

I guess that's all in my mind for now. Other missing things that I didn't say, guess I've forgotten about them no matter how important they may be. Even if they come back in my head, chances are 20% that I would post them here.

Three Messages

21/9/2008
I received 3 messages from 3 different people, yet somehow it all seemed as though they are linked. To investigate and figure what is the real hidden message trying to be passed to me, I'll list down every possible connection here in order to analyze things.

Message 1
Eric from Sibu, 4:31pm
"Hiroshi" in japanese, Your name actually meant: "The Noble One" or "The Brave One". How are you today?
My reply: Wow cool. Thanks bro. Awesome today.

Message 2
义升 from Sibu, 5:16pm
昨天有一位天使告诉我说我很久没给一个人祝福了。我听了吓了一跳！原来我还没献祝福的人是正在按手机的你。现在让我献上我最诚心的祝福给幸福的你=)
My reply: 哈哈，谢谢你。

Message 3
Wendy currently at Labuan, 9:08pm
HE had no servants but they called HIM Master. No Degree, but they called HIM TEACHER. No Medicine, but they called HIM HEALER. No army, but Kings feared HIM. HE won no Military Battles, but HE Conquered the World. HE Committed no Crime, but they Crucified HIM. He was Buried in a Tomb, but is ALIVE TODAY. HE is Humble, but will Always be Exalted. HIS name is JESUS. He is THE LORD, our HOPE & GUIDE. GOD BLESS.
My reply: Wow, great message. Awesome reminder. Thanks!

Where should I begin?
For starters, the common thing about these 3 people is that they are all far away from me, not here with me. All 3 of them are Christians. I could get the message in the sms individually, but I couldn't link them together. I'm sure these people didn't make a deal or something, but yet somehow I just feel that these 3 messages are linked, are trying to tell me something.

Perhaps someday, when I look back, I might get the 'hidden' message on these 3 sms.

Summary of 1st Half Semester

Without knowing it, half a semester has already passed, that's 8 weeks. Wooooo what a milestone. Let's take a look at things.

1. Academically - I did quite good for. English 8/10. Innovation 12.5/15. Math 18.9/20. IT and programming are n/a. Praise God and all the best for Him, I will continue to bring Him glory.

2. Habits - I was always late. But thanks to someone, I start to come a little earlier, though I need to change even more.

3. Emotion - Woah what a roller coaster ride. Yes there was sweetness and of course hurt, but overall it helped me grow, to be a better person. Couldn't deny that there was a lot of suffering and struggling, but I'm still standing. Whatever that doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

4. First time in my life that I didn't sleep the whole night. That's a first in my entire life. my first Swinburne assignment, a great innovation - innovation in mobile phone.

5. From a place where I am a stranger to a place where I would hang out. I remember it took me sometime before I would go to the library, the cafeteria, common lounge and student hostel. Took me like two weeks or so but I did it.

6. From a quiet, shy and cool person to a noisy, friendly and still cool person, or so I think. Made a few friends whom I, honestly, didn't initially like.

7. Got distracted from my goal and target for some time. Spiritual life backslided. Didn't be salt and light. Showed some really bad attitude and examples.

So that pretty much sums up my 1st half semester in Swinburne. Too bad we don't have break. More is yet to come and I hope I can 'survive' it all in one piece. All glory to God!

Strangely and funnily

Quite strangely and funnily, I stumbled upon the word Girl Next Door. I remember about the survey done in English class which was What is your dream knight/girl. So I was curios and I went to find out. I first went to Wikipedia but couldn't understand/imagine/portray the version of Girl Next Door it said. Then I scrolled down to External links part. Strangely and funnily again, I went to AskMen.com. I mean, what better way to know it than to go many men.

So this was what it says:

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Most guys are attracted to the all-night, uber-party girl. But eventually, our focus shifts toward someone with whom we can settle down.

Typically, we look for the wholesome, naturally pretty, more demure female who we've come to know as "the girl next door." Somehow she embodies all of our more mature and tamer instincts: marriage, children and tender companionship. The main difference in our thinking is that her qualities are just as important to us as her looks.

But the million-dollar question is: does she really exist or has the collective male psyche created her only to be an unattainable dream? Let's find out why this down-home cutie is on our fantasy list and discover what we can do to confirm or debunk the myth of the girl next door.

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who is the girl next door?
First, allow me to define her.

Every guy may have his specific girl-next-door prototype, but in general, she's the girl whom you always admired from afar and were afraid to approach, fearing that any erotic projection toward her would ruin her image as a decent, pure and almost virginal womanly ideal. Think of Renee Zellweger's character in Jerry Maguire .

She's (in your mind at least) untrodden ground; unspoiled by other men and so sweet-natured it almost frightens you to think of her in explicit sexual situations. Almost . Here's another example: Picture your sister's best friend from when you were kids. In your mind she'll always be that 10-year-old cutie who played with you in the park. Only, when you catch up with her 10 years later, she's still a cutie, but all grown up and someone you can trust and connect with on so many new levels. The intrigue grows.

Similarly, she could be a friend's cousin whom you met at family occasions over the years. Or even a new employee at work who is shy and unassuming, but still gives you that "she seems so nice, I'd love to talk to her" feeling.

Get the picture yet?

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what do we like about her?
There are so many characteristics of the girl-next-door type that qualify as "good" or virtuous. These are things we've come to look for in a woman, which earn the respect of our male sensitive side.

She's a homebody. She cooks, cleans and is not afraid of being at home, helping out with chores. Plus, she's not a fan of clubbing. She thinks the nightclub scene consists of horny drunks and game players who don't live honestly. And after all the not-so-great game players you've dated, this is a refreshing, alluring and potentially life-altering change for your dating scenario.

She's nurturing and sweet. Unlike so many of the women you've dated who had militant stances against being nice to you simply because you were a man, she's understanding of your needs and is willing to take care of you when you're sick. Her sweet demeanor -- and knowing that what goes around comes around -- makes you want to be with her and take care of her in kind.

She doesn't attract attention. She's "under the radar," so to speak. Guys won't hit on her everywhere you go; not because she's unattractive, but because she prefers to remain low-key, both in her appearance and her attitude. She's neither a flirt nor is she flashy; but she has that natural beauty that doesn't require coats of makeup.

She's predictable, but this could also be one of her flaws.

She's predictable and safe. What you see is what you get. You'll always know where you stand with her, as well as where she stands on any given topic. There's no guesswork involved and that makes her a welcome change from all the women who've played head games with you before.

She's low maintenance. This is one of her best qualities. You won't have to constantly buy her jewelry and other such gifts to keep her interested. She even enjoys just slumming-it for a night in or out with you. Jeans and a T-shirt are fashionable enough for a stroll around town. But here's the kicker: when the occasion calls for it, she dresses to the nines.

She has family values. Because she comes from a solid family upbringing, she believes in the importance of family. If you ever want to be a dad, this is the woman you want as the mother of your children.

She has a good personality. Although this is not something you'd want to hear about someone you're meeting on a blind date, the girl next door is easygoing and able to joke around with you about all kinds of topics. You can go anywhere with her and never get annoyed. She doesn't complain, but she does speak her mind honestly and with respect for your feelings.

She's trustworthy and reliable. You can take her word to the bank. If she tells you she is going to do something or be somewhere, it's set in stone. You could give her your credit cards and never worry that she'll overspend. Now that's a headache you'll be glad to avoid.

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so what's wrong with her?
You know the old adage, "if it's too good to be true, it probably is"? That can also apply to the girl next door. Despite all the good qualities that I've ascribed to her, there are still some things to take into consideration -- things that may displace her from the pedestal I've so readily put her on.

She's not a challenge. Let's face it; after some time with her, you may become bored. If you usually enjoy the spice that comes with a certain amount of frustration in a relationship, then she will not be the one to scratch the confrontational itch. Once you have her, the chase is over and you may eventually view her as a steadfast nuisance more than the sweet girl you thought you found.

She's predictable and safe. If you don't like spontaneity, then this isn't a problem. However, because she will never waver from the tried and true habits and experiences, you might have a problem spicing up your relationship just when you feel it's most crucial to do so. Can you say vanilla sex ?

She might be playing you. The worst possible thing to discover is that this was all an act. She really is that wild child party girl who sucked you in with the "nice girl" facade, and all of a sudden, you're back playing the same relationship games that drove you to her in the first place.

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knock on her door
By now you surely know why you've been smitten with the girl-next-door type. It shouldn't be too hard to get out there and ask for a cup of sugar from that sweet thing who moved in across the hall or street. After all those women who messed with your heart before, it's now time to get some stable, honest, neighborly love.

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Well honestly speaking, I didn't finish reading the whole thing before posting this, I only copy paste. I've only read the definition part and I guess Girl Next Door is my type because of my honesty and naiveness. I get this feeling I'm not gonna be a great boyfriend who will bring much excitement to a relationship, but instead a great husband who is steady, loving and caring.

I know that I'm still young and not thinking about this stuff, but I guess is good to know myself better. Cheers!

I edited this post 15 minuted after I posted it, whatever comes out after this is the edited part. Strangely and funnily, I went to check out the meaning of Guy Next Door.

From Urban Dictionary.

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Basically the same sort of thing as a girl next door. He's sweet, charming, and quite cute, although he doesn't seem to know it.

Guys next door don't really dig the whole taking advantage of a girl thing, and although able to be one of the lads, they can be great mates with girls as well.
They dress casually, and although they don't try to stand out in the crowd or be the centre of attention, they still shine.
Guy's next door usually have one of those laughs or smiles that is able to make you feel instantly happier.

As part of a relationship, guys next door are typically the kind who seem quite casual about dating- they don't try it on fast. But, as with a girl next door, the guy isn't seen as being that involved in a relationship... but anyone who's been in one with a guy next door will know that they're dark horses, and alot more fun and passionate than you first thought.

So if you find a guy next door (and you happen to be a girl next door)... this one's a keeper.

Bring him home to the parents no problem!

Seth, from the O.C is a bit of a guy next door....although he's got a bit of a nerd thing going on

(despite that......mmmmmmmm!!!)

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A guy known for his kind, sensitive, caring personality rather than his good looks and charm. Usually a bit of a geek or nerd, the guy next door is the guy who is a really good friend to girls, but who never gets a romantic relationship with said "girl friends". Usually is very shy and reserved.

1. He's kind of the guy next door; he's a great friend, but I just can't picture something happening with us.

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Talk about knowing more about myself, I guess I'm a Guy Next Door. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. But anyways, cheers!

Life is Not a Fairy Tale

How I wish life was simple, where something like " and the live happily ever after " exist. Of course I'm not talking about love.

To be honest, I am a naive person. Unbelievable for someone like me. Another thing is, I am an honest fellow. Why do I feel like I am boasting about myself? So the thing is, I am an honest and naive person, I don't lie or trick or have bad intentions towards other people. Though I have to admit sometimes I still do, well that's because I'm human. What I really hope is people do the same to me, to be honest and have no bad intentions towards me. Wonder why am I saying this?

I admit that I am not the best or perfect son. I am 18 years old and am still a teenager. Rebellion will no doubt exist. But hey, it's just normal. I admit that I am not helping out much at home and I apologise, but sometimes I'm just really tired, please be understanding and not just scold me like I'm the most useless, most worthless son there is. Whatever that that you asked me to do now , the way you raised me, it's not because of respect, it's because of fear for your violence, that just shows how bad a parent you are. However, being a son that you never realise how good I am, I will do it because of obedience, no other excuses or inner debates.

Totally random stuff but totally genuine in my heart. Best wishes, take care.

The Story of a Boy

Let me tell you a story of a boy, who is a Christian, taking his tertiary level studies. Well the story isn't complete or full because some details are missing and it's a long story, so please forgive me for the lackings.

So this boy was a teenager, a faithful Christian who is all positive about life.

The beginning
When he went to this university, he had some feelings for a girl and unfortunately for him, one of his newly-made friends have a similar feeling for her too. At first he was just admiring the girl, but slowly the admiration and adoration turned into a 'special' feeling.

This is where the problem is
Being a faithful Christian, a person who loves God a lot and value his ministry highly, plus the examples set by the leaders in church and church teachings, he is not allowed to date at this age or time. He struggled, hardly and deeply. He talked to some people, friends in real life and in online game, but not his church leaders. He was afraid, in his head he knew that it was not the time, that he may backslide as a Christian, but something is leading her closer and closer to the girl and there was nothing he could do to prevent or stop it. He did say that he would say aside and not go after the girl, that he determined that they would just be friends and he admiration would continue to be hidden. Time passed by and they chatted in msn and smsed. When they were not very familiar, they would sometimes meet in the cafeteria or some place in the university. Even when she is with a group of friends that they both knew (he wasn't close to them though), he would talk to them but his eyes and smile is locked onto the girl and she would do the same. He felt that they were attracting each other.

The heating up
So there was one night when in class, the girl asked him to sit next to her in class, everyone was there, even the boy himself couldn't believe it, this is one of the many reasons why he felt they were attracting each other. So that night, his friend, the one who liked the girl as well, was in a bad mood. He had already took the girl out on several occasions, with other friends going out with them, as a group. The boy didn't know how or what he should feel that night, he didn't know whether he should be happy (the girl asked him to sit next to her!) or sad (his friend was in a bad mood seeing the girl he liked asking a guy to sit next to her). But throughout the night, he was sad to see his friend in a bad mood. When he went home, he tried to 'settle' things via msn. His friend (either has no clue about anything or trying to be clueless) acted as if he doesn't know what happen (that the boy liked the girl and that he was in a bad mood in class that night). He told his friend not to be discouraged and continue to go after the girl. He made it clear that they were friends.

The revelation
The next day, in class, the girl smsed the boy regarding the fact that he encourage his friend to go after her. The boy never knew or expected that his friend would tell the girl what he said to him. So, naturally, he confessed that he was chasing the girl too, it was all so natural he had no control over it (he was not a lier and couldn't lie). Later that night, they chatted via msn, when there are many friends on too. The girl was being weird, a second she was sad about this, the next second she was sad about that. She was like a puzzle missing a piece, a mystery. The boy, seeing her sad, felt the pain too, though he couldn't understand exactly how she felt, he was sad too. It was a bother in his heart, something that he wants to fix but had no power or control over it because the girl doesn't want to open up. Her replies from sms were short and had no meaning at all, she wouldn't answer via msn and she wouldn't accept his call. So with a worried and messed up thought in his heart, he went to bed. The girl also said that she doesn't want to fall in love and she is now scared of him because of his indirect confession.

The breaking down
The next morning in class, though they did sit together in class and for breakfast, they didn't talk much. It was because the girl was still scared of the boy and the boy was not in the mood having gone to bed with a worried and messed up thought in his heart. Later that afternoon, they went to lunch with his friend and a few of their other friends. This is where it all made up clear to the boy. So his friend was sitting next to the girl and the boy was sitting opposite the friend, with other friends around. So they were close, she was happy, the friend is capable of cheering her up and making her laugh, the boy could feel that the friend cares for the girl, not just apparently. The boy felt that his friend would make a good boyfriend. The girl smiled a lot more and talked a lot more and would act a little pampered when with the friend compared to when she is with him, an awkward no-topic-just-eat-and-leave lunch. The act between his friend and the girl should have broken and shattered the boys heart, but strangely it didn't. In fact, he was happy. He was happy because the girl was happy, he was happy for her joy, her smile made him happy. The way his friend interacted with the girl, bringing her happiness and caring for her made him happy, because he was relieved someone would bring her joy, to care for her. He felt that he could let go. All he wanted was her to be happy, he didn't mind that he wasn't the guy to make the girl happy, but as long as she is happy, he will be happy. Sounds very noble, but it was all true.

The conclusion
Alls well that ends well, the boy does not need to backslide or give up on his ministry, the girl is happy, his friend is happy, he is happy. The boy even learned a lesson, the love and heart of God. God would love the world, His love, He wants the best for us, but yet........... All He wanted was for them to be happy, if they are happy, He will be happy. The other lesson he learned is that, everything is in God's plans and everything works for the better of him. No matter what he done or what he tried, no matter how bad the intentions, in the end everything still end up in His plans, how awesome is that. He truly understand the value of how God felt, His love for the people and all he need to do is trust in Him, no matter what happen, it is still in His plans, like Joseph's story.

The story continues
With the clarification of things, the boy once again set his sights on the goals he once set when he entered the university, this time more well-equipped and prepared than before, with his heart full of praise to the Lord.

A look at things spiritually
Before the week, the boy went to a Christian camp, he was prophesied that he has to choose between right and wrong, there is no half way and that bones will grow flesh and revive. At the right and wrong part, he instantly knew it was about his feelings for the girl, that he have to choose, but he cant just let go. After that camp, was when everything happened, it took 4 days to solve everything. God did a great job, almost awesome with perfect timing.

What I Saw When I Look at My Grandma

Major black out today, most parts of Sarawak had it. Which most certainly include my home and area. Had "candle light dinner" at Pending Seafood, lot's of insects and the fish was not fresh. Not forgetting to mention it was expensive, what we paid for 3 was what we usually would pay for 4.

My father decided that since we can do nothing at home due to the black out, he took us to visit my grandma. I wondered why because we don't usually do that on other days except Sunday nights and her place probably black out too.

Then my father said that she is in the hospital, Normah Hospital to be exact. My father said he wasn't informed by my auntie before, which means it was kept a secret from him. From what I've heard, my grandma was itchy and so she scratched herself until ......

So there I was, next to my grandma, looking at her. Her skin, it was like semi-transparent, I could see the bleed under the skin, like the blood vessels burst or something. Her skin were all wrinkled up, plus the semi-transparent look, it seemed like it was fake skin, plastic wrapped around her.

When I looked at her and I remembered what my father said, I wondered for a second, I'm not sure what I was thinking, would it be better off if she was dead? What would life be good for if you're this old and even your body seems like it is rejecting you? Then i remembered, only one thing lasts forever. It's not how long you live, but are you sure about the truth, the way life is, the way things really work, if there really is life after death, if a God really existed?

I'm pretty sure about the answers, though I may not hold infinite wisdom and doesn't know everything, I'm still searching to know even more though. If you wanna know more about what I've learnt or discuss about things, feel free to drop a comment or at chatbox/msn/skype or by other means possible.

Feeling the Pressure, the Heat, the Weight

Week 2 since the start of life in Swinburne.

There are only two things that I care in my life now, one is church, the other is my life in Swinburne. Sad to say that my life at home is not listed, it didn't go in my mind when I was thinking what matters to me now.

1. Church
I really really care about my care group, which is student care group, the kids are a big concern for me now. Especially with the new people coming in, I get to know so much of them that it makes me depressed. I wonder what is wrong with me? I have become so melancholy or however you spell it. I just can't open my mouth, speak the truth and tell them things that would hurt my image in their eyes although it is true, it is what they don't like and it is what I am supposed to do. Apart from the student care group, is the student camp. I am not doing my job, I know what I'm suppose to do but it's not what I'm good at and I have done nothing, I feel so bad about it. Things wont be done if I don't do my job, the camp is such a huge thing and it wont do itself although other people would do in my place, it's supposed to be my responsibility and I feel really bad, don't forget to mention I'm gonna disappoint people that have hope and expectations in me.

2. Swinburne
My social life here is getting better, though it is not fast, but it is progressing. I will shine when you know me and these people will have the chance to know me in time. I feel that I am starting to shine, like the light in this world. Don't forget to mention assignments, though they are not like homework, they are like projects! There is one assignment, we are required to pass it up on week 4 and now is already week 2! The count down is so obvious here. I've done a little research about it and to be honest, the little is at a level of minimum, which is not good.

Well so far, things are starting to heat up for me. I am starting to feel the pressure, the heat and the weight but one thing I know for sure is God's grace is sufficient for me.

College/University life?

Without realising it, my 1st week at Swinburne is almost over. So how do I feel? Let's see the things I've encountered this week that could potentially be my life for foundation year, which are mostly unpleasant XD

1. Class ending way before scheduled time.
2. Class canceled as if they were nothing.
3. Class canceled without informing us.
4. Foundation students dont matter.
5. Assignments that are obviously not gonna be easy.
6. To pass is not to excel in exams.
7. Blackboard gonna be a very important instrument here in Swinburne.
8. I'd really have to organise things, especially myself and my bag of subjects.
9. I have an average of 5-6 hours per day of free time, to either study or do assignment or go online or nap or lie around or do nothing.
10. New challenges ahead in terms of time, mentality, work, finance and others.

Not gonna be easy but I wouldnt want it another way which is lot's of challenges that are gonna do good for me.

New life and how I can live it

As you all know, I've started my new life as a student in Swinburne University of Technology (Sarawak Campus). For those who don't know, I'm telling you now XD

The course I'm taking is Foundation studies (Information Technology/Multimedia).

Orientation - Wasn't boring, now that really surprised me. Didn't participate much at the ice breaking and games part. Didn't follow the tour group that I was arranged to follow.

Day 1 - Didn't talk to anyone o.0 Weird isn't it?

Day 2 - Talk to some people a little, all girls, don't remember their names, is a group discussion and presentation o.0 Weird again right?

Wonder what's installed for me in the future as my new life begins. I have my goals set and trust me when I say I'm not there just to study.

That's all for now, kinda short but it will do since i haven't updated this in a long time.

Love is ......

Back after such a long absence, it's because I had a lot to write about but don't know where to start. I was also too busy *cough*lazy*cough* to write.

Now, back to our scheduled blog.


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To My Friends Who Are...........SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly The more you chase it , the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often it hurts , but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it. So take your time and choose the best.

To My Friends Who Are............NOT SO SINGLE
Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person." It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

To My Friends Who Are............PLAYBOY/GIRL TYPE
Never say "I love you" if you don't care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't there. Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart . Never look in the eye
when all you do is lie. The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...

To My Friends Who Are............MARRIED
Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry ." Not "where are you", but "I'm right here." Not "how could you", but "I understand." Not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are."

To My Friends Who Are............ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

To My Friends Who Are............HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them .

To My Friends Who Are............NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

To My Friends Who Are............POSSESSIVE
It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

To My Friends Who Are............AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....

TO ALL MY FRIENDS.......
My wish for you is a man/women whose love is honest, strong
, mature , never-changing, uplifting, protective, encouraging, rewarding and unselfish.

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1 Corinthians 13: Wisdom for Choosing a Good Spouse
Kathy Collard Miller, D. Larry Miller
Genesis 24:4 But will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.

This story of Abraham, his servant, Rebekah, and Isaac is a beautiful account of a father who wanted the best for his son, a servant who honored his master and prayed for direction, a woman who was willing to go on an adventure, and a son who received the gift of a wise wife that his father provided. Each person trusted God, facing the challenges that came their way.

In his old age, Abraham sent his servant to find a bride for Isaac from among his relatives in the city of Nahor in the land of Mesopotamia. When the servant arrived there, pausing at a well, he prayed for God's guidance and immediately met a very helpful woman named Rebekah, who offered to water his camels from the well. To his delight, he discovered that she was Abraham's great-niece -- the granddaughter of Abraham's brother, Nahor. The servant proposed marriage to Rebekah and her family on Isaac's behalf, and she left her family and country to become Isaac's wife. When they were united, Isaac quickly fell in love with Rebekah.

How Others See It
David and Heather Kopp

"Isaac and Rebekah went on to have struggles in their marriage, mostly over their children. This doesn't mean they were wrong for each other. It simply reminds us that even a marriage "made in heaven" must be lived out day-to-day on earth -- with and in spite of our human shortcomings."
The story of finding a wife for Isaac can also be viewed as an analogy for how God makes his children a bride for Christ. God the heavenly Father sent his Holy Spirit to the church so that it would become the bride of Christ. In like manner, God wants to guide each of his children to the spouse of his choosing.

Love Barometer: How Does Your Beloved Measure Up?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

If you're wondering what kind of spouse you'll make or whether the fianc?or financee you love will be a good spouse, check out the wisdom of God's basic description of love. He characterizes love in such a way that you can evaluate whether you're giving and receiving true love.

How Others See It
William L. Coleman

Sometime when you are asking yourself what kind of a partner you will make, read 1 Cor. 13: 4-8. It is the world's greatest description of love. Take a brief survey of what love does and apply it to your coming marriage.

Mary Welchel

Remember that when our emotions are involved in a situation, it's very easy to lose perspective. Someone once told me, "Emotions and feelings have zero IQ," and I think that's a good thing to remember. You cannot trust your emotions. They're dumb sometimes! Those juices get flowing, those romantic notions start whirling around in your head, and you can lose perspective in an instant.
"Love is blind," someone once said, and actually, it's true. When we're dating and falling in love, we tend to overlook the characteristics of our loved one that could potentially create difficulty in our future marriage. We might think:

"Oh, they'll change and become more patient."
"It can't really be bad to be jealous, can it?"
"He seems so insecure at times, but my love for him will overcome that."
"She sometimes overreacts to my suggestions, but she means well."
If negative characteristics are deeply seated in your spouse-to-be, you may be in for very difficult times.



If we're wise, we will diminish the "love is blind" syndrome by comparing our potential spouse's behavior to the characteristics of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Take each characteristic of love named in that passage and rate your future spouse on a scale of one to ten, with one being negative and ten being positive. Be aware: Assessments like these are difficult when struck with the love bug. You will need to think clearly, so pray beforehand, asking God to help you be honest and fair.
1 Corinthians Love Test

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love does not envy

Love does not boast

Love is not proud

Love is not rude

Love is not self-seeking

Love is not easily angered

Love keeps no record of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres

Love never failsIf you rated your beloved a whopping 120 points, grab that person and run! If he or she scored between 84 and 119, you've got a great person. If your potential spouse's score falls between 60 and 83, talk these weaknesses over with someone you trust -- you could be heading into some struggles. If you rated your sweetheart 59 or below, you could be dealing with a very immature future spouse. Putting your relationship on hold so that you both can grow in maturity and wisdom would be a good idea.

If a single area is 5 or less, consider that this weakness will not improve by getting married, and it may even grow worse since we all are on our best behavior while courting.

This is not intended to be a scientific test; rather, it is a general indication of whether the love-is-blind syndrome is clouding your perceptions of your potential spouse. You can also use this test to reveal some areas you might want to work on before you tie the knot.

God desires the very best for you. Consider getting wise counsel in order to discuss these issues before you marry. Engaged people should be honest about the weaknesses they see in their potential spouses. The heartache of a broken engagement will pale in comparison to the agony of an unhappy or failed marriage. God will strengthen you to do the right thing as you seek him.

Every year in the United States, about half of all marriages end in divorce. That's a staggering number that might be diminished if men and women more carefully chose their marriage partner

What is love?

After Valentine's Day, I have been intrigued to post something about love. It took me quite some time because I had to do a little research. However, up until now I am still not done. So, I decided to divide it into 2 sections.

Part 1, What is Love?

So, exactly, what is love? From years of watching tv, I've heard about:
1. Love is an over-whelming feeling.
2. Love is blind.
3. Love conquers all.
4. Love makes your heart pound fast.
5. Love makes your blood boil.
6. Love makes you have butterflies in your stomach.
7. Love gives you strength.
8. Love makes you do stupid, irrational, crazy things.
9. Love makes you do things that you never thought you would do.
10. Love makes you do things that you would never do.
11. Love makes you do things that you would never dared do.
12. Love makes you want to see that person all the time.
13. Love makes you want to talk to that person all the time.
14. Love makes you want to hold that person all the time.
15. Love makes you want to be with that person all the time.
16. Love cannot be controlled, contained, stopped.
17. Love at first sight?
18. Love after sometime without realizing it?

I made a survey from a group of people whom I promised they remain anonymous. Let's see what they have to say. 24 people were asked of their opinion via test message by the way.
1. I reply wtf(what the f**k)
2. Love is sumting(something) natural that come(comes) 4om(from) (the) heart that make(makes) u(you) fel(feel) happy.. make(Makes) u(you) wan(want) 2(to) care n(and) know wat(what) happen 2(to) tat(that) person.. general(General) term la(?). he hee
3. Luv(Love) is nothing..nothing(Nothing) is luv(love)
4. Lve(Love) is when we fel(feel) happy about being 2gether(together), i(I) tink(think).
5, Love is about a person likes a thing or someone very much "I think". Btw(By the way) y(why) (are) u(you) doin(doing) this?
6. 2 person like each other gua(?) ... I oso(also) dont(don't) know ,,, Hehe...
1 person refused to comment. 17 people didn't reply.

If you have your own opinion about [What is Love], feel free to express in "comment". In fact, I encourage you to, put anonymous as your name if you don't wish to reveal yourself. Thanks!

Your make, I'm breaked

Sometimes, we pay for the mistakes others make. For example, your cat broke your mother's favorite vase and you're the one ended being scolded or your partner-in-crime shot dead the shop owner you two were robbing and you're the one being sentenced to life prison.

Well, in my case, I had to pay for the mistake my mother made.

15/2/08 morning, I was already late for work. After getting ready, which took me 15 minutes or so, I went to grab the car keys and run. But guess what, the car keys were not at the usual place! After looking in the house for 2-3 minutes, I decided to give my mother a call. This is what she said, in mandarin : " Ei? This morning I vacuumed your car, why don't you use the spare keys? Why don't you go look for them (the original ones) at the sofa? Just look anywhere, here and there. How should I know?"

From what she said, you can know that my mother is:
1. Needlessly looking out or me.
2. Looking for 'other' ways to right her wrongs.
3 Careless, reckless and forgetful.
In conclusion, She is very troublesome. He has to work and still she vacuumed my car which is not dirty at all, very 'honorable'. She likes to throw things around (never out them back or anywhere where you can easily find them) and forgot where she threw them. She also likes to order me to look for them. Gosh!

This is how I pay for my mother's mistake, but the story wasn't over. I still had to look for the car keys and it is no where to be found. Later, after around 20 minutes, my mother came home. So she went to get the spare keys, which I knew wouldn't work, and tried it. Walaa, it didn't work! So she ask me to open it up and she left. Again, leaving me to suffer from her forgetfulness. So I opened it up and guess what, I don't know much, my mother just asked me to change the batteries. The pictures explain better. Have you ever seen batteries like this? I know I don't.




So, from the beginning until the end, starting from the moment I reach to grab the car keys until I went to work using my mother's car with her friends form work, the duration was 1 hour.

The good thing about this incident was it was a 'chance' for me to NOT get angry and yell at my mother. That's a good thing for me. The bad thing was, well, you know, everything. Remember, every situation is a 'chance' for you to prove you have changed. For example, you were a hot head, you wanted to change and you got a chance when a waiter spilled water on you but you didn't scold him instead deep down in your heart you forgave him. Get what I mean?

14 Feb 2008

People call this day Valentine's Day. Some call them Singles Awareness Day aka S.A.D. I just prefer to call it 14 Feb? No offence, I'm single, available but not looking.

So what is it again?

If I was not mistaken, Valentine's Day is dedicated to love ones. Which definitely does not narrow up to couples only but just about everyone and anyone you love. For example, family.

Speaking about love, to me, love to not just the feelings you have for an opposite gender. Love is also the relationship among family members, the tie between relatives and the fun among friends.

Funny quotes from hitz.fm
The good things about being single

1. A: I could marry myself in a civil service.
B: Dude, you marry yourself!
A: I know, I'm so happy.

2. A: I could watch Star Track for 3 days and nobody will say anything.
B: Let's go watch Star Track.
C: Okay, let's go.

3. A: I could do anything I like. I can dress in a too-too, not be at home, in fact I can be in your home.
B: You can actually do better things with absolute freedom.
A: But I can't think of any.

4. A: I can play congkat until 12am and nobody will say I'm crazy.
B: Dude, you're crazy!


*These are from hitz.fm, I don't own or write them.
And I don't copy word by word because my memory is not that good.