Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Nightmare Realization

A man's greatest realization could be from his nightmares.

Wake up from today's nap with tears in my eyes and fear in my heart.

The dream was about my sis and I falling sick to the same illness where we needed the bone marrow from either one of our parents. Our dad willingly volunteered himself, knowing that it would cause great harm to him. 

And throughout the whole thing, my mum was there taking care of us. The hard work, the care and her worrying the whole time, was a sight of horror while I just lie there watching from my bed.

Woke up earlier than I had to because I just couldn't continue this nightmare... with great realization that what is the most important thing to me right now. And it has been 2 months since I went back home...

I guess that's why it's called "waking up", both literally and figuratively.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Rejection and Lesson Learnt



I think the picture pretty much explains everything. It all started Thursday night where she got angry at me for like no reason at all. I couldn't sleep well that night, went to bed at 1am and woke up at 6:45am. I think that was the beginning of the end. Then in the afternoon, after I pass the things to Super, I receive this message. I think it's very unfair to me. Getting rejected even before I get to confess.

I had been betrayed, I don't think it was Tang, but rather I suspect it was Super whom I trusted and thought would help me. I guess this is the lesson learnt. Girls are different from guys. When girls ask guys to help them chase their guy friend, the guys wouldn't hesitate to help. But when guys ask girls to help them chase their girl friend, they tell their girl friend everything and feel like its troublesome and annoying. So bottom line is, never seek out girl's friends to help you chase her.

Yeah, I admit I made a mistake. I'm not perfect, I'm still learning and I will be the first to admit and try to change them. She is actually a really nice girl, and I even failed this one. There is really a problem with me. Maybe I will be single just like my big bro Wayne. Guess it's time to take a break. We are still friends though. I've also bought a nice little watch for her, and I plan to put it on the wrist of that doll that Lester's girlfriend Sue has too and give it to her during her birthday. Just ask Super their room address and drop it in front of their door. But that's like January 21st. We'll see how is it by then, I've already applied my annual leave for that date though. But really, we'll see how it is by then, whether I still like her, whether... there are many factors to take into consideration, so we'll see.

That's it for now, I think I apologised a lot today, and to different people. But here I wanna apologise to my bro Poh Chun for being in such a messed when he asked me out for lunch today. Appreciate!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Update on Ms Y²

I've tried to ask her out *cough*date*cough* a few times now, I've been back to Kuching twice since she came. Disregarding the first time where we met at The Spring and the second time when I gave her some Porkies snack at her uni faculty, I have yet to go out and have a meal with her. It's pretty disappointing as I am not always in Kuching all the time, also I am really eager to meet her although I won't know what to do when we do meet, I went back to Kuching for her being the main reason for just a shot at being able to meet her. Well, it's like she is dodging me, throwing me excuses time and time again, which I get it. As polite or nice or reasonable she tries to make it sound, it is pretty obvious that she doesn't wanna go out with me, yet. Also, chatting with her isn't going smooth as well, yeah one could reason that she is busy bla bla bla, but that's really not the case. Her replies and getting shorter and slower, and she hasn't replied me until now although she saw the message, and I assure you it's a "replyable" message/topic.

Yeah, I'm feeling very down and devastated now, but I know how I shouldn't let her be the center of my focus. I should do my things, continue with my life. She is not obliged to reply any of my messages, I should just be glad to be able to chat with her and not expect anything. I know she doesn't like me, nor is she testing me, it's pretty obvious, but I am not gonna give up, not on this girl. Because she is worth it, and also because I really really like her.

Anyways, I have a friend who kept on throwing this question at me,  how are you so sure you like/love her? What do you like/love about her? Do you even know her? And I've found my answer.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

First Met on 13/9/2013

Today was a pretty interesting day.

Woke up in the morning at 9am, even though I had my alarm set to ring at 10am. It was raining, the weather was cool, it was perfect for sleeping, I had the curtains drawn, it was pretty dark here in my room, but I just couldn't get myself to sleep that few minutes more.

Got up and texted her, asking her if we are still on for lunch, which I had previously booked her a few days ago. Her reply was totally unexpected and it made me really emo, she said she has buddy gathering. I lost all my mood and just said ok...

So what am I gonna do now? All my plans, all my hopes and expectations, everything that I had waited for, crushed. Well life goes on right? Check the cinema if there is anything good and to my surprised, Kick Ass 2 was still showing. So I went for brunch, had laksa then rushed over to GSC. RM8 for the whole cinema lol, totally worth.

The movie inspired me a lot, gave me courage, and helped me to not give up. So I sent her a text, kinda forcing her to go out with me. I used the words "so when can I bring you out?". Went to have a hair cut after. When I was having my hair cut, she replied saying she will go to The Spring with her friends and asked if I wanted to meet her there. Of course I'd say yes!

After my hair cut, I went home to get the chocolates that I wanted to give her, then went over to The Spring. She said she would be there at 2:30pm, but somehow I was there before her and I reached around 2:40pm. So when she said she was there and asked where was the gift shop, I told it was at the basement. I headed over to the basement.

At the ground floor there, was the first time I saw, from afar, she was looking the at directory with her friend. I stunned for a second, and actually went to hide behind the board so she won't see me while I looked at her for a second, it was really her! For the first time ever, I'm looking at her, in real life, in person. After that, I continued walking towards her, pretending to be busy looking at my phone, she didn't saw me at all. Until I was behind her and I said, basement was downstairs, she turned around and said "eh, hello."

So I helped her and her friends around the afternoon, becoming their tour guide at The Spring. What I really never expected was, her voice would sound like that (coz you wouldn't expect that kind of voice coming from that face). No it wasn't rough or something, it was just, not expected. Though I also never tried to guess how she would sound like.

I also took the opportunity to take notes, what she likes, what she needs, etc. For example, I found out that she drinks green tea with the specific brand of OJK and also she uses CIMB card, so I can research where in Kuching has CIMB ATM machines (if anybody knows, please help me out). Oh yeah, she chia me Starbucks also, I feel a little bad, but I really didn't had much money left, but still enough, didn't know why I didn't reject her offer. Also I think we interacted pretty well, and by that I mean I didn't freeze that much and acting all shy and quiet and awkward. Overall I was pretty satisfied and happy.

I contribute a big part of my luck today to watching Kick Ass 2. Ps, it was a really great movie.


Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Number and Lunch

Days are getting closer, coming to my last sector before I can get home. Chat with her today, the longest since last week, since uni started for her. From the way we chat, I'm very conscious that she would actually share things with me, more like mini problems, like she only has a week or two week break during year break.

I asked her out, and her reply was she was very busy. Not sure if she doesn't feel safe to go out with me yet or she really is that busy, but I prefer to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe her. However she did leave open a door, which is around lunch time, 1-2pm. So I booked her for Friday, and manage to get her phone number. Oh boy, I'm so excited.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Princess is Coming to Town!

In case you don't know, I actually have a crush on princess for some time now. I find her really cute, but the problem is she lives in Selangor, also she is dream girl's younger sister. I've only chat with her a few times, but just couldn't get myself to try to pursue her.

But here's the twist, she is coming to Kuching to study in Unimas, studying doctor. So I guess here's an opportunity, I think I'm gonna take it slow and steady. Everytime I manage to ruin myself, but if I do it properly, I think I might have a shot.

Anyways, it was her who approached me in Facebook telling me this news, so I offered to help her. Now I am trying to get her in contact with my friends who are still in Unimas, Chai Tyng and Ah Bing.

That's it for now, peace.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Peer Pressure and Patience

After seeing a post on Facebook, this guy, in secondary school, who was really not popular, had his reputation ruined in university, in a relationship, I was like, "...". And then this thought popped out.

No, I wasn't eager or longing for a relationship since reading the book "I Kiss Dating Goodbye". But after seeing that post, my gosh, them doubts in my head and the thoughts that I cannot explain. I mean, not to boast, but I am a pretty fine lad and I will stop at there.

But immediately I went to Google "patience" and "reward", never did it, didn't know why I did it either. And then popped out patience quote > God. And I am going to share them here.






Wednesday, February 20, 2013

How I Felt about my Life, my Job, my Current Situation

I posted this on Facebook once when I felt really down. I'm okay now, but deep down in a corner of my heart, these feelings lurking.


"I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can't sleep, I can't get my mind off of it, things aren't going well. I really want to leave all this, quit this job and just go home, to somewhere I feel I belong. It's not just about the job, it's not just not being home during CNY or my birthday or my parent's birthday or any other occasion. It's everything, everything about this life here. My parents don't hear my cry, my pain. I want to put up a strong front, so they do not worry about me, but I don't think I can do this anymore. I really need to talk to them about this..."


And I received a bunch of comments, some are really good, so I'll keep them here.