End of the Year Post

It's been a long time since I blogged. Well if you read the last post before this one, you'd understand why. I've been down for quite some time, after she devastated me. I didn't realise that I really was so serious about it. Time to move on, but I haven't recovered yet. Oh well, I'll just take my time.

So lets think back, for the past year, what had happened, lets recap and then look forward to next year 2012.

I wouldn't do a timeline thingy though, because all I had to do is just read back my old blog posts. So here we go.

My first full year away from home, out in a foreign country. It's not so different actually, Singapore. I've been to many places, done many things, possibly I wouldn't do in my entire life if I had stayed back. Actually, things weren't so bad.

Work related. I've been to China, Japan (used to be my dream destination, but actually it sucks), Indonesia, Australia, U.A.E (40'C++), Korea, America, Italy, England, New Zealand, Manila, India, Russia, Turkey and don't know if I missed out others. Done different things such as went to Ferrari World in Abu Dhabi, Six Flags Magic Mountain in Los Angeles (immune to roller coaster rides), Desert Tour in Dubai, Opera House in Sydney, Venice and Roman Colosseum, Blue Mosque in Turkey and again some more that I might miss out. Eat some food because I really enjoy "exploring", there's honeycombs and kebab in Turkey, ramen and sushi in Japan, traditional Beijing steamboat, some spicy food in India and Middle East, Italian risotto, pasta and pizza, America's Cheese Cake Factory, Korean kimchi which I really dont like and a couple more again.

I've been home a couple times, ok, many many times. So many times that people who work abroad don't usually get to go back that often. My grandmother passed away. My whole family growing closer to each other. Making money well. Get to be best friends with my first love. Playing League of Legends with my German buddies and loving it.

Honestly, I've fallen. So through it all, it isn't worth it. I'm not really me anymore, I kinda lost myself. I want to go back, but there's no place I can go but remain where I am. I can't go back like "Daddy I wanna study." and go back and support myself. I won't have income, I can't focus on my studies, I won't be able to be active in church, I can't really do much. At the age of 21, I reached the point of no return.

2012, I hope you are kind to me, I'll try my best to do what I can. Don't want to waste my youth away, want to do something good.

The Shirley Saga

As of 4th November, it was officially over. Well, it ended before it even started. I don't really know where to start, I had a lot of ideas, but when its time to type it out, it all disappeared. Let's start from the beginning.

We first met when Sharon and I went back to Kuching, that was during Kuching Festival in August. That time, I was still interested in Sharon. We went out to eat a couple of times, for breakfast and Kuching Festival and movies. Thats when we started chatting, but she knew I liked Sharon back then. And then all the Sharon thing happen, and she was my informant and the person I could talk to. She kept me companied and stuff. We chatted all day, everyday, without failing, except when I go to work or when one of us is sleeping or she is eating or she went out.

So after Sharon officially dated with her boyfriend, and I went back to Kuching on September, I asked Shirley out. I don't think I really had feelings for her, it was just good having someone there you know? So we watched a movie together, and then had dinner at secret recipe. That was when, I remember the scene, she kept on talking and talking and talking, but I was just listening and not hearing, as I look at her, inspecting her, and then I decided, with a couple of encouragements from a few people, why not? During my trip back, we went out a few times more, I went to her house, hang out there, bring her family out to eat, tapao food for her family, help her dad do his resume, buy stuff for her pets, bla bla bla.

I really sacrifice and gave this girl a lot. I acted like a fool many times for her. I remember, I bought flowers for her, I bought chocolate for her every time I went back Kuching, I gave her money even though she didn't need it and I didn't need to. I made the effort to know her, her habits, her likes and dislikes, her past, her present, her future plans, her thinking, her mindset.

Things got wrong the 2nd time Sharon and I went back, but this time, Sharon had her boyfriend with her. And during that trip back, I only seen her once, for like what, 1 minute? 30 seconds? 20 seconds? That was another one of the stupid things I did for her. Ok, so I manage to see her that day, even if it was only a few seconds, to me, it was worth it. So that night, I booked her for the next morning, we'd meet for breakfast/brunch.

So that day, for me it isn't easy waking up in the morning, but I made the effort to do so and sent her a message, yeah she did reply, but only one of my text, then went missing, until 1+ when I texted her again. I was kind of piss, because that day, I was preparing to make my biggest sacrifice for her up to date, buy her a MacBook Air which cost RM3999. I wasn't very willing, because, she didn't really show much interest in me, but I was willing to make the gamble. Yeah, I wasn't in my mind, wasn't thinking straight, just doing it, just spending money mindlessly. I am that type of guy, I didn't want to buy love, but prove my love by the amount of money I'm willing to spend. But guess what, despite all my struggles for her, she didn't even care to make an effort to go out with me to buy that damn laptop. So that afternoon, we didn't meet. During the evening, I was really piss, I messaged her and I exploded. I think that was the beginning of the end.

Things only turn for the worst after that, there were hints, but I didn't took them. One of it was "Sorry but I couldn't accept your style", another one is "I think it is my problem, I am cold, always like that". But she also gave me the wrong idea when she said "I also don't know how I feel".

Slowly she wouldn't open up to me, wouldn't answer my questions or rather reply to my topics/attempts for conversation. Then it was slow and late replies. After that, it was only 1 words replies. And then totally to reply at all. I sent messages, I called. I knew she was ok, she wasn't harmed in anyway. She was online in WhatsApp and posting in Facebook, but ignoring me. I really tried very hard, in every way I know and can, and I suffered a lot. But it seems she don't know and just don't care.

This time, I didn't want to go back to Kuching because the air tickets were very expensive. But because what happened, I just had to go back, just like when my grandma past away. I didn't want to go back, but I had to.

I thought that we could talk it out, not really wanting to have another chance but rather to clear the air, but I didn't even had the chance to do that. Again I texted and I called, but no answer. Then Sharon messaged me, saying Shirley doesn't want me to bother her anymore.

I was devastated, so this is how things ended, bitter and painful. I thought that she was more mature than that, but who knew things would end this way? I never really wanted us to be together, I even knew we weren't a match for each other, we had problems communicating. She'd always talk and I'd always listen. Her topics don't really interest me and I had no comments and nothing to say. Her thinking, is just like Sharon's, but worse. I really thought Sharon's thinking was bad, but Shirley's is even worse.

This time back, was one of the worst trips I had back in Kuching, but thank God for my friends Poh Chun and Calvyn, they really showed me who is going to be there when I really needed it. They really salvaged my trip back to Kuching this time, if it weren't for them, I'd be miserable, just miserable. Oh yeah, this was the first time back in Kuching where I miss prayer meeting, life group and sunday service. See how bad the impact was on me? Just devastating. Oh yeah, also for the first time in my life, I went drinking so bad that I wanted to get drunk. Long Island Tea, the first gulp and I knew it was rum + coke. It was so bad, I puked in the toilet, making a huge mess. But never will I do it again, never will I get drunk again, never will I get hurt so badly again, never will I fall for a girl so unworthy again.

I'd easily give up Shirley, just my ego is bruised. I really tried very hard, and seriously I deserve better and she is just not worth it. But because I was better and I tried so hard and didn't get anything, thats why, in Hokkien we say, "beh kam guan".

Today starts a new chapter in my life, ever since taking this job, coming to Singapore, I was lonely. I had 3 crush stories in 1 year, that's like 1 in every 4 months? That's a lot. I needed the emotional support, one that a girlfriend would intimately give. But now, today, day 1, lets see how I fare, how am I gonna fare? I have no idea, but lets see. So used to chatting with Shirley all day long everyday, let's see how I'm gonna fare.

RM220 flowers for Shirley during her birthday.

22 roses for a 22 year old her.

Pink roses for the girl one admires and is courting.

R.I.P Grandma

13April1925 - 11October2011 Chew Oi Fah, mother, grandmother and great grandmother to many.

From the 12th to 17th, I urgently went back to Kuching. While I was working, my phone vibrated. That time I knew something bad happened, I said that I hope it's not my grandmother. After work I receive a text from my sis, saying that my grandma had past away. And so I called my mum because she was the one who called me when I was working.

After I went back, I tried to get my ward leader's number and ask him if I could get compassionate leave. And so I was directed to call control centre and quite surprisingly I had a 4 day leave, which was more than I had bargained for. I bought the air tickets after that for only around SGD100, which was pretty cheap for a last minute purchase.

When I arrive at Kuching airport, while taking the long stroll from the gate to the customs immigration, this was the first time I wasn't excited to be back in Kuching...

So for the 3 days until the funeral, we were all at 同心善堂. I didn't spend much time there or helped out much, I went home to sleep instead of staying behind. Chinese funerals, in my opinion, are one of the most interesting funerals there are. As a Christian, at times I'm kinda lost as to when I should participate and when not to, as culture and religion collide, but I know God is proud of me and I still manage to please people.

I was never close to my grandma, so I didn't felt much. But through all this, I will remember how a son my dad was to my grandma. And I yearn to be as loyal as him.

How to?

Oh yeah, I finally did it, I made her angry. So here's my question, how to?

I apologised, I explained, I begged... What else can I do or how should I do it?

Any suggestions? Need help here.

She Might Just Be The One

I dont know where to start. She's cute, she's smart, she's pretty, she's nice, she's mature, she's friendly, she's interesting, she's great, she's amazing...

I'm really lucky to meet such a girl. I don't know how she feels about me, but I really like her. She might just be the one.

These few days have been great, we just hang out so often. We chat a lot too.

It's just... sometimes she doesn't reply me messages, which makes me wonder, is she interested in me? Oh well, let's just see how things go.

Ever Wonder What Happen To Them?

They were the most beautiful girls we've seen, we were nerds. We would stare at them every time they walk by, we would call our friend's every time they walk by, we would make a commotion every time they walk by, we would hardly ever be noticed. They were like angels, we could never reach them.

So ever wonder what happen to them? Who they would end up with? They were so far, they were untouchable, they were unreachable.

Definitely one would assume they'd be with some better guy, those rich, handsome, popular guys that they used to date back then.

But guess what? They're with losers now, wouldn't you be shocked? Fat, ugly, short guys. Its funny, they were the girl of your dreams and no matter how hard you chase, you could never reach them and now they're with these type of people.

Life's a heart breaker, yes it is, lol.

As Clear As The Blue Blue Sky

I finally manage to tell her everything. Well ok, not everything, but quite a lot. Yeah it does hurt, a bit, but it was the right thing to do. It hurts not because I couldn't be with a girl I liked. The thing is, I don't like her, it hurts because somehow it felt like I lost. Stupid pride hahaha.

Before I had already thought of the future being with her, what I have to do and stuff. Before I had done so many stupid things, one of it includes buying a camera almost RM5000 for her.

God worked His magic, and things are gonna work, for me at least, because I have the favor of God upon me. Well good luck to her and her boyfriend.

Why am I going through all this?

So I had to go to work, but when I was in the briefing room, all I could think about was the situation, what was going on. It was distracting me all the way, I was so worried it would affect my work because I hadn't been flying for more than a week already.

Well I got lucky, I was able to focus on my work, or rather the job managed to distract me a little. But after landing, the whole situation overwhelmed me again. Even when I was sleeping, I think I had another bad dream.

So around the evening almost night time, she was online in facebook. So I just asked casually if she would be back on the 17 or 18th, but she didnt reply me. However she did chatted with her sis. So she really didn't to talk to me. What's the big deal? What's happening actually?

What explanation is gonna come my way? What am I gonna hear? I only wanted to know why she bolted off to Penang just like that. But maybe I will get more than I had bargained for, maybe this time I will lose her, even as just a friend.

All this while, I wasn't chasing or courting her, I was just being nice to her, treat her with all my heart. With all my heart, I just did what I sincerely wanted to do, nothing more, I didn't want to win her over, I didn't try to win her over, not even once I thought of it, I just wanted to be nice to her, to treat her well...

Nightmare

I had my first nightmare after such a long time, all because of what had happened...

How would you have felt?

Last message that you received from her "ok I will text you when I wake up".

And so you constantly wake up since 7am to check your phone if there were any messages even though you slept at 3am. Up until 1pm, there's still no sms. So you sent her a message checking if she is still sleeping.

Then she told you, she is already in the airport, what is going through your mind?

You are hungry, you haven't had your lunch because you two promised to meet for breakfast. After all that waiting, and she is already in the airport. What more she doesn't want to tell you whats happening, only that she is not going to work. Then what is she doing in the airport? Where is she going? Why is she going? And she wouldn't tell you a single thing.

Feeling puzzled, left out in the dark, angry and hungry. You hate it when you have no idea whats going on, what is happening. And again, all you can do is wait...

Options

I've been crazy about this girl, I get to know her and got close to her and stuff. Just for the record, when I'm with her, I feel so close to her.

When we went back to Kuching together, I was really glad she made time for me. Of course there were times she didn't reply my messages, but we actually hang out, went for breakfast, watch movie, played L4D2 and went to k fest together. I really felt closer to her than ever, especially when we went out with her sis and mum. I really felt I had a shot and her family really liked me.

So lately, I've been chatting with her sis a lot, and I mean A LOT. I like her sis, she's cute, cool and nice. But she has been a little colder to me and the things that I dont like about her keep popping out. So then, just suddenly, I felt like I had an option, I have choices. So what is wrong with me? Yeah I met her first and stuff, but what am I doing? I dunno, maybe I'm just confused, like usual...

Yeah, I'm a despo... Just some girl treats me nice and I thought that there might be a chance for something special. Maybe I'm just lonely, but I still wait to meet the correct person, the perfect one.

I'm done with my rant, peace out guys.

Fatherly Advice

It's been quite some time now that I wanted to ask my dad a question: "Why did he chose my mum?"

To be honest, my dad and mum aren't the most compatible couple on Earth. In fact, they are way too different, so many things that they disagree. Though they seldom fight about it, I can tell. That really makes me wonder, why did they chose each other and how did they make it past all these years?

So why am I asking? Reason being, I'm kind of in a situation myself. So I meet this girl that I really like, but there are so many things that I would disagree with her, so many of her qualities, characteristics, views, values, thoughts, opinions and thinking. I've been giving myself so many reasons to not like this girl, but in the end, only 1 reason is needed for me to like her.

I've been thinking a lot, I've always believe that there's a perfect girl for me, tailor-made by God just to suit me. We're 100% compatible, that everything I do or she does, just perfectly suits each other and we're able to help and support each other to go further. And this girl, just doesn't fit that description.

She calls me "old-minded" while saying that she is "open-minded". I want a wife thats one and only, who is 100% committed to me and me to her, she on the other hand doesn't mind her husband goofing off outside while she does the same but by the end of the day, they would return to each other. I hold strong values in God, while she's neither here nor there, though she did went to church since young, she also has the traditional Chinese believes. I believe that a couple should work together to build a family, but she doesn't want to work, wants a maid at home and her husband must give her half of his pay, and it isn't to manage the family's finance but only for her own "insurance".

Those are only a few instances, there are many others, but it would be rude for me to post it out. That's why I've been thinking a lot and I'd really like to hear what my dad has to say because I can see the similarity. Of course the right choice would be to say "screw all this, there's definitely one person out there waiting for me, and its the right person", but its just not that easy, when emotions are involved, logic just gets blurred.

She. Her. The Girl

I'm glad that I'm so free now that I can have girl problems.

So this girl was my first love, I fell for her the first time I saw her, you can call it love at first sight. It was during secondary school, form 2. I still remember the classroom, where her classroom was, the corridors, the stairs, the love letters, the gift I gave her, the gift she gave me which I still have in my room.

Of course we never started, only friends, which was a blessing in disguise. We were close, but now I know, she was good with everyone, especially guys. Anyways, my fondest memories were taekwondo at Kenyalang. I would walk there in the morning to play badminton with her, then taekwondo, then walk home, and sometimes her mum would give me a lift home. I remember the strawberry milk tea she bought me. I remember seeing her showing her friend some taekwondo pattern during her PJ class while I was playing basketball with my friends before taekwondo club. Too many things that I remember, back then I was naive, even now so.

Today, my heart was really challenged, it was broken. I have given myself so many excuses to not like this girl, so many reasons, so many... but still, I enjoy every moment I spend with her and wants to spend more. I wish I could post it here, but I can't, it's confidential and also respect to her. I really feel like screaming. I keep on thinking of it, but I just cant imagine it. This is driving me crazy, why must I like a girl like this? I deserve better, I deserve someone as good as I am. Totally different views, call me old minded, whatever, thats the purity in me, that is sacred and holy to me, but I don't know how you view it.

Anyways, I think this was the last straw, the final nail to the coffin. Don't blame me if I change... but I don't know if I can do it... I hope I can, I wish I can...

Pray for Parents

Dear Lord,

I thank You for my dear parents. All this while I had failed to see their love for me, failing to appreciate what I already have, falling into the traps and lies from the devil. But today I know, today I see, and I am grateful and thankful for them. I pray that Lord You bless them, take good care of them. Because I really hold them dear in my heart and I wish that our relationship improve even better. I am lucky to have them as my parents and I shall appreciate them even more. I just want to pray for them O'Lord, that you take good care of them, and also my little sis. Let Your blessings pour onto them. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

4th Fort Sink

Thank You Edge

Yes, I am a wrestling fan and this post is dedicated to Adam Copeland aka Edge, the rated r superstar, the master manipulator, the ultimate opportunist.

http://wrestlingfeed.com/dailymotion.php?url=kXe64ytWqTGWrK24o28

Its Kind of a Funny Story

Its kind of a funny story that Its Kind of a Funny Story is kind of like my story. So the whole story about a teenage kid who wanted to kill himself because of stress and depression but got himself admitted into a psychiatric ward. Thats where he met some people, and also the purpose to live again. Depression, stress, emotional, down, negative...

There were a few quotes in the movie that I really liked. However, my favorite would be : "I... This is the part I don't get Craig, I mean... You're cool, you're smart, you're talented... You have a family that loves you. You know, what I would do to just be you for just a day. I would... I would do so much. I would... I don't know, I'd just... I'd just live." Then there's another one: "Okay, I know you're thinking, what is this? Kid spends a few days in the hospital and all those problems are cured? But I'm not. I know em. I can tell this is just the beginning. I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends, my dad... But the difference between today and last Saturday, is in the first time for a while, I can look forward to things I want to do in my life. Bike, eat, drink, talk, ride the subway, read, read maps, make maps, make art, finish the Gates application, tell my dad not to stress about it, hug my mum, kiss my little sister, kiss my dad, make out with Noelle, make out with her more, take her on a picnic, see a movie with her, see a movie with Aaron, heck see a movie with Nia, have a party, tell people my story, volunteer at Three North, help people like Bobby, like Muqtada, like me, draw more, draw a person, draw a naked person, draw Noelle naked, run, travel, swim, skip, yeah I know its lame, but whatever, skip anyway. Breathe... ... ... Live. " Also there's this one thats really the case : "Like, I'm on the verge of just blowing up. You know, all the stress and pressure and anxiety, just bubbling up. But I'm never be able to let it out like that. You know, I just keep it inside."

Then there was Emma Roberts! Gosh she is so pretty. The only bad thing was, she had kiss scenes, 4 of them! Well okay, there was only 2, and 2 were just pictures. But still, kind of piss me off. Hahaha, but whatever, its just stupid. Also, she is way prettier than Nia!

I think this movie really did help me a little, its good, its what I like.

3rd Fort Sunk by KSer aka me

http://battlestations.mobileweapon.net/history_view.php?hid=816890

In Ya' Face!

In your face kill stealers always gunning for last hit!

Michael Bublé - Home

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Seriously Homesick

I hate to admit it, but ever since coming back from home, I am not feeling very good inside. I have this feeling in my gut, which I really dislike. I think my sister is probably the only thing that is making me feel better in Singapore. I don't like this job, which makes my life in Singapore really bad. I don't enjoy the job, people always say, its very nice that you can travel all around the world or wow you're working with SIA or thats a lot of money for your age and qualifications, but I guess they really don't know unless they are there or I am just too weak. I hate the bond, which is 13,800 Singapore Dollars, and is close to RM30k. I don't know how long I can take it, and Herman's situation is really encouraging me. I am not trying to demotivate myself here, but I am just saying out my feelings. How is ah mei gonna feel once I am gone? How is mummy and daddy gonna think about me for being such a quitter? But somehow I really cannot take this, it feels bad.

I really do feel like calling my mum and begging her to let me go home, I am feeling very down.

Home

It felt great being home, from 22/2-27/2. My schedule was packed, since day 1 until the last day, from morning until night.

On day 1, I reached Kuching around 4pm, on the plane with me was my sis, Calvyn and his father, and also my sis' batch boy. Once we reached there, mummy hasn't even came. When we called her, she told us she was washing the car. OMG, can you believe it? Both her children has come back from a foreign country after months, and she is washing the car! Well doesn't matter. At night, I had dinner with GIFC. Anderson came to fetch me, yep you saw right, ANDERSON CAME TO FETCH ME, ANDERSON DRIVING HIS CAR! So we had the gathering at the Lok Lok place behind Kuching High. I ate like RM26 and I wasn't even full, so expensive and bohua! And I owe Kok Yuen the money, because I was loaded with Singapore Dollars and zero on Ringgit. Must remember to pay him back. After that, the 3 Musketeers + 1 went to Gizmo to play L4D2. Since I never played the new maps, The Sacrifice and The Passing. The unfortunate thing was, they keep on chiong, so I didn't really had much fun, but at least I can't say that I never played the map before.

On day 2, which was a Wednesday, I watched The Mechanic with the 3 Musketeers again. Jason Statham, one would expect something more of him, but it wasn't that bad a movie either. There's the gay part where they were gonna "fix" another mechanic, that really got us going "Eeeee~". Then at night, had dinner with my family and then we went to visit my grandma at Normah. She's been there since before CNY. I didn't knew what to think or how to feel at the moment of the time, either that everything is normal because she is old or to feel very worried because it's been quite a many times she's been in the hospital.

On the 3rd day, I had the privilege to have Calvyn bringing and accompanying me shopping and having my haircut. Went around Sarawak Plaza, Tun Jugah and Parkson with shoes as my priority, but couldn't even get 1. In the end, got myself 2 t-shirts and some shoe polisher. Also, Tun Jugah is 60% empty on the 2nd floor and only Popular left on the 3rd floor, poor Tun Jugah.

At night, brought my parents to watch I Love Hong Kong 2011. It was very very funny, my favorite part would be the front part where they all pretended to be ghost, amazing hahahaha. When we were leaving the cinema, we met ah mei the betrayer with her friends, she hadn't answer any of our calls all day long and said she didn't bring her phone with her. After the movie with my parents, I went to Isabella with part of GIFC. We played cards and chatted, and I treated everyone for the night. Also I spent the night at Calvyn's place.

On Friday, went with Calvyn to Saberkas in search of some pc stuff, Ngage and shoes. I bought a pair of speakers and 3 pairs of shoes. After that, I went to Charles' home and we went to H&L to shop for our steamboat's ingredients. Then we went prayer meeting. I'm glad that I am still able to worship God freely, to be able to speak in tongue. At a point, my tears even came out. This is indeed home, this is indeed my church. After PM, was the steamboat and bbq. It was awesome, except that, I felt, there wasn't enough food, I kept on saying "should have bought more food". Funny thing was, we were using charcoal from the last time that we bbq, which was 4 months ago, left behind in the barrel and we still manage to cook the chicken wings to perfection, praise God for that. That night we slept at 3am.

In the morning, we went to have breakfast at Starbucks and I actually had a 20% discount using my Swinburne student ID, lucky I didn't return it. Then we went to One Jaya since I never been into the building since it's opening. Nothing special, didn't even manage to go to the top floor. Afternoon went to LG, it felt that there was less people. The theme was "Compromise". It was a great theme, a great reminder for me, since coming to Singapore, I had indeed compromise many things and it's time I take them back. At night, had dinner with my parents at San Francisco Grill, which is just next to the Lok Lok place. My dad said he used to bring my mum here every year during her birthday, because of the atmosphere. After dinner, went out with my secondary school gang to Isabella, but the place was full, so we went to Day Dream instead, which was just next door. We played pool and my skills really suck, haven't played in a long time. We were one of the last to leave the place. Kiong still owe me money hahahaha.

The next day was also the last day, Sunday. It was raining, ever since last night, the feeling on the bed was incredible, so comfortable, so familiar. I was too tired, so I missed WFL and also went to SS late. When I was there, it was already the Holy Communion, it meant a lot to me to be able to partake the bread and wine. After shepherding, went home to take lunch because mummy insisted to cook for me, to let me have a home cook meal. I ate for more than an hour trying to finish everything and trust me it was a huge portion with 5 dishes, red wine chicken, ginger beef, fried fish egg, oyster sauce vege and soup. Then I went to pack and be ready to return to Singapore.

I didn't want anyone to send me off, because it would be very hard for me. I was never good with goodbyes. I was very reluctant to leave, because of the love and welcome I received. But then I remembered how I left in the first place. And also, that coming back was suppose to motivate me, to push me on so I can continue my work in Singapore. It's not that bad, in fact, if I look at it this way, I can go back every month if I wanted to. I want to leave as if I never left the place, so no goodbyes, because I'll be BACK!

Finally, I'm Going Home

I miss Kuching so much. Everything I love is there, the people I love, the place that I had known my whole life. I left behind so many things there, including many of my problems. This time, when I'm going back, there are so many things I want to do, such as shopping, so many things I want to buy, clothes, pc accessories, play with my pets, get a haircut, return my dad his money, go play L4D and L4D2 new maps, watch movies, and of course the most important thing, mend my problems, my broken relationships.

I am so glad that I will be going home =D

Birthday, so what?

Yeah, its that once a year occasion again. Ever since coming to Singapore, all these occasions mean little to me, Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year, birthday. My favorite would definitely been Chinese New Year, but this year, not only did I spent it in London, I also spent it getting zapped like crazy by a lousy gay. However, birthdays have never been my thing, never been fond of them, so it doesn't matter to me if there's a celebration or not.

I'd be happy just with my laptop.

First Fort Sink in Battle Stations!

你看不到的天空

This song does have its significant meaning for me inside.

And the song quality ain't that good.

周杰倫-说了再见

Recently, I've kinda been hoping that time passes, by then, I'd be away from her, then things wouldn't be so complicated and will be better. But then, this song, really hit me.

"说了再见才发现再也见不到，能不能就这样忍着痛泪不掉"

Indeed its true, it's most probable that we might not see each other again or meet after our flight to Shanghai. Well, from the sentence itself, it does sound very sad. To not meet ever again after parting. What a sad fact.

Other than that, we share the same birth dates, only difference is that she is 2 years older than me. So today, I said to her, lets celebrate our birthdays together, that is if I'm not called up during my standby, which I really hope that I don't get called up. She has an off day on that day too, so I really hope a miracle happens, keeping my fingers crossed.