We first met when Sharon and I went back to Kuching, that was during Kuching Festival in August. That time, I was still interested in Sharon. We went out to eat a couple of times, for breakfast and Kuching Festival and movies. Thats when we started chatting, but she knew I liked Sharon back then. And then all the Sharon thing happen, and she was my informant and the person I could talk to. She kept me companied and stuff. We chatted all day, everyday, without failing, except when I go to work or when one of us is sleeping or she is eating or she went out.
So after Sharon officially dated with her boyfriend, and I went back to Kuching on September, I asked Shirley out. I don't think I really had feelings for her, it was just good having someone there you know? So we watched a movie together, and then had dinner at secret recipe. That was when, I remember the scene, she kept on talking and talking and talking, but I was just listening and not hearing, as I look at her, inspecting her, and then I decided, with a couple of encouragements from a few people, why not? During my trip back, we went out a few times more, I went to her house, hang out there, bring her family out to eat, tapao food for her family, help her dad do his resume, buy stuff for her pets, bla bla bla.
I really sacrifice and gave this girl a lot. I acted like a fool many times for her. I remember, I bought flowers for her, I bought chocolate for her every time I went back Kuching, I gave her money even though she didn't need it and I didn't need to. I made the effort to know her, her habits, her likes and dislikes, her past, her present, her future plans, her thinking, her mindset.
Things got wrong the 2nd time Sharon and I went back, but this time, Sharon had her boyfriend with her. And during that trip back, I only seen her once, for like what, 1 minute? 30 seconds? 20 seconds? That was another one of the stupid things I did for her. Ok, so I manage to see her that day, even if it was only a few seconds, to me, it was worth it. So that night, I booked her for the next morning, we'd meet for breakfast/brunch.
So that day, for me it isn't easy waking up in the morning, but I made the effort to do so and sent her a message, yeah she did reply, but only one of my text, then went missing, until 1+ when I texted her again. I was kind of piss, because that day, I was preparing to make my biggest sacrifice for her up to date, buy her a MacBook Air which cost RM3999. I wasn't very willing, because, she didn't really show much interest in me, but I was willing to make the gamble. Yeah, I wasn't in my mind, wasn't thinking straight, just doing it, just spending money mindlessly. I am that type of guy, I didn't want to buy love, but prove my love by the amount of money I'm willing to spend. But guess what, despite all my struggles for her, she didn't even care to make an effort to go out with me to buy that damn laptop. So that afternoon, we didn't meet. During the evening, I was really piss, I messaged her and I exploded. I think that was the beginning of the end.
Things only turn for the worst after that, there were hints, but I didn't took them. One of it was "Sorry but I couldn't accept your style", another one is "I think it is my problem, I am cold, always like that". But she also gave me the wrong idea when she said "I also don't know how I feel".
Slowly she wouldn't open up to me, wouldn't answer my questions or rather reply to my topics/attempts for conversation. Then it was slow and late replies. After that, it was only 1 words replies. And then totally to reply at all. I sent messages, I called. I knew she was ok, she wasn't harmed in anyway. She was online in WhatsApp and posting in Facebook, but ignoring me. I really tried very hard, in every way I know and can, and I suffered a lot. But it seems she don't know and just don't care.
This time, I didn't want to go back to Kuching because the air tickets were very expensive. But because what happened, I just had to go back, just like when my grandma past away. I didn't want to go back, but I had to.
I thought that we could talk it out, not really wanting to have another chance but rather to clear the air, but I didn't even had the chance to do that. Again I texted and I called, but no answer. Then Sharon messaged me, saying Shirley doesn't want me to bother her anymore.
I was devastated, so this is how things ended, bitter and painful. I thought that she was more mature than that, but who knew things would end this way? I never really wanted us to be together, I even knew we weren't a match for each other, we had problems communicating. She'd always talk and I'd always listen. Her topics don't really interest me and I had no comments and nothing to say. Her thinking, is just like Sharon's, but worse. I really thought Sharon's thinking was bad, but Shirley's is even worse.
This time back, was one of the worst trips I had back in Kuching, but thank God for my friends Poh Chun and Calvyn, they really showed me who is going to be there when I really needed it. They really salvaged my trip back to Kuching this time, if it weren't for them, I'd be miserable, just miserable. Oh yeah, this was the first time back in Kuching where I miss prayer meeting, life group and sunday service. See how bad the impact was on me? Just devastating. Oh yeah, also for the first time in my life, I went drinking so bad that I wanted to get drunk. Long Island Tea, the first gulp and I knew it was rum + coke. It was so bad, I puked in the toilet, making a huge mess. But never will I do it again, never will I get drunk again, never will I get hurt so badly again, never will I fall for a girl so unworthy again.
I'd easily give up Shirley, just my ego is bruised. I really tried very hard, and seriously I deserve better and she is just not worth it. But because I was better and I tried so hard and didn't get anything, thats why, in Hokkien we say, "beh kam guan".
Today starts a new chapter in my life, ever since taking this job, coming to Singapore, I was lonely. I had 3 crush stories in 1 year, that's like 1 in every 4 months? That's a lot. I needed the emotional support, one that a girlfriend would intimately give. But now, today, day 1, lets see how I fare, how am I gonna fare? I have no idea, but lets see. So used to chatting with Shirley all day long everyday, let's see how I'm gonna fare.
RM220 flowers for Shirley during her birthday.
22 roses for a 22 year old her.
Pink roses for the girl one admires and is courting.
