你不知我为什么离开你～

Its funny how the little things she do can affect me so much. Like how she doesn't reply my messages could make me feel so disappointed or how she hits me after I teased her could light up my day.

But I know, all this counts for nothing, because I'm just a friend. However, all this means a lot to me. I wonder how things would be, after we all graduated.

I try my best to keep away from her, but deep down, I still really like this girl. It's not easy for me, but I am forcing myself away. Unlike before, I would go to her and talk to her every chance I get. Right now, even if she is alone over there, I'd still stay away and remain silent. It's tearing me inside, but I respect the fact that she is in a relationship, that she has a boyfriend.

Lost and Found

I've been down and out for too long now, and I finally snapped out of it today. Ever since coming to Singapore, I've been feeling lonely and empty. I have been setting my sights on the wrong thing. I I have been focusing on the wrong thing.

The question that helped me snap out of it: What is your passion? Indeed that I had put my being into the wrong thing in Singapore. But what passion? It's God, His kingdom and His people. I may have left Kuching, and all the people there, but God, His kingdom and His people are everywhere, including Singapore. And that is enough to keep me going. I'm back, and I'm bad(in a good way though)!

Oh the Pain

Man, this is torture. Then why the heck am I doing here? I keep on biting my teeth, biting my fingers, biting myself, just shows how much my frustrations are. I brought this upon myself, so I cant blame anything. Just hope that I can keep my cool now and quickly recover, not to act like a fool and screw myself.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Its not easy for me, its like cutting myself when I asked her about her bf. Nonetheless, I still had to do it. I didn't do it because I was a busybody or a stalker. I just wanted to know more about her, and, her bf preference was quite important to me. He must be quite a person, to be able to be her bf. I respect him for that, and I wont do anything funny.

Feeling like Crap

I feel horrible. Just a few days ago everything was fine. Then the game of hide & seek and dodge ball started. I dunno what went wrong, where went wrong, how it started or why it started. I'm as puzzled as a newborn child, I'm as riddled as the tide. Shed some light unto me, tell me why is this happening, what have I done wrong?

It's funny how things can change so fast. It's just like, one moment you were reading a page of the newspaper and you turn your head for a sec, the page just turned itself.

I can't take all this, it's just too much, I feel overwhelmed. But what can I do? Nothing!

... ...

不能说的秘密

冷咖啡離開了杯墊l
leng ka fei li kai le bei dian
As the cold coffee leaves the coaster

我忍住的情緒在很後面
wo ren zhu de qing xu zai hen hou mian
I desperately tried to hold my emotions far behind

拼命想挽回的從前
pin ming xiang wan hui de cong qian
The past I’m fighting hard to recover

在我臉上依舊清晰可見
zai wo lian shang yi jiu qing xi ke jian
On my face you can still see ever so clearly

最美的不是下雨天
zui mei de bu shi xia yu tian
Rainy days are not the most beautiful

是曾與你躲過雨的屋檐(oh)
shi ceng yu ni duo guo yu de wu yan
It’s the shelters that I once shared with you in the rain

回憶的畫面
hui yi de hua mian
The imagery in my memory

在蕩著秋千 夢開始不甜
zai dang zhe qiu qian meng kai shi bu tian
While on the swings dreams become less sweet

你說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠

ni shuo ba ai jian jian fang xia hui zhou geng yuan

You said by gradually letting go of love would one go further

又何必去改變 已错过的时间
you he bi qu gai bian yi cuo guo de shi jian
and why bother changing the time that you’ve missed

你用你的指尖 阻止我說再見
ni yong ni de zhi jian zu zhi wo shuo zai jian
you used your fingertip to stop me from saying goodbye

想象你在身邊 在完全失去之前
xiang xiang ni zai shen bian zai wan quan shi qu zhi qian
imaging you being by my side before you completely disappear

你說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠
ni shuo ba ai jian jian fang xia hui zhou geng yuan
You said by gradually letting go of love would one go further

或許命運的簽 只讓我們遇見
huo xu ming yun de qian zhi rang wo men yu jian
Perhaps life’s destiny lot only allowed us to meet

只讓我們相戀 這一季的秋天
zhi rang wo men xiang lian zhe yi ji de qiu tian
Merely allowing us to love, in this one season of fall

飄落後才發現 這幸福的碎片
piao luo hou cai fa xian zhe xing fu de sui pian
Only after it drifted down do I realise this fragment of happiness

要我怎麼撿
yao wo zen me jian
How do i pick them up

Such nostalgic feeling~

Struggling

And so, ever since I knew she had a boyfriend, I start acting weird. I know I've talk it through with a friend and yeah, his words makes sense, but, it still feels bad. I still feel like crap, everything still feels like it sucks. I know I also said about my motto and stuff, but still, it doesn't feel good.

I still hope I can stay true to my motto.

It feels as though

The sun doesn't shine anymore

The rainbow lost its colours

That colours feel so dull

That happy love songs became slow-rhythm-ed

The world had stopped spinning

My heart has stopped beating

I don't wanna talk anymore

I don't feel anything anymore

I don't care anymore

Friendship and Relationship

I bet that, when a person likes someone, he definitely cant wait to get that girl, you know, to have that girl as his girlfriend. However, I have met one of the oddest cases ever.

I realised that I really enjoyed this friendship, and I really cant imagine being in a relationship with her. I mean, I cant imagine holding her hands, or going out on a date with her, or having dinner with her . As friends, I feel much more joy, I feel that I am free to express myself or be quiet and just listen, and things wouldn't be awkward.

I can go on without a relationship, but I definitely don't want to lose this friendship. Of course I still wish the best for her, I still wanna look out for her and help her out when she needs it. As I like to say, as long as you are happy, I don't care what happens to me, I seriously think thats a good motto, and I'll be sticking to it.

…………等…………

I copied this note from a friend (shhhhhh). I think it is amazing, thats why I copied it, but she doesnt know, please dont steal it like I did =S

喜欢，是淡淡的爱;爱，是深深的喜欢… 我喜欢，却不敢爱… 喜欢，没有负担，我可以告诉你，我喜欢你~但爱，不行，我没法说出这个字，因为太沉重… 喜欢，没有自私，我可以陪你开心难过，没有顾虑~但爱，不行，因为总是有不受控制的离心力，太累了… 喜欢，没有带恨，我可以原谅你无数次，不后悔~但爱，不行，因为忘不了，做不到… 喜欢，没有心碎，我可以在哭过之后，笑着拥抱~但爱，不行，因为伤心过后，有个地方无法再次拼凑… 喜欢，没有理智，我可以抱着满满的幻想，不考虑结果~但爱，不行，因为我会被很多压得透不过气，接受现实… 喜欢，没有欺骗，我可以回答“是的，我喜欢你”~但爱，不行，因为那是承诺… 喜欢，没有背叛，撒娇闹脾气不讲道理都可以被原谅~但爱，不行，因为，那是种罪… 喜欢？爱？都再见了…要找回以前的自己…还能吗…

2 Months...

Today, I just realised, there is only 2 months left. I really enjoyed our time together, but on 26 January 2011, it might be the last time we meet, and the thought scares me. That I might never see you again, 2 months... only 2 months left...

Very common case

When I am close to you, I dunno what to say, I just wanna listen to your voice.

When I am near you, I dunno what to do, I just wanna look at you.

I will give you all the attention you require, I will be your best listener, I will try my best to remember everything about you.

When I dont see you, I keep on thinking of you.

When Im not with you, I keep on wishing that I am.

I know I am not the guy, that I am not the one.

That I cant teach you how to swim.

That I am not the outdoor person.

That I am not interested in physical activities.

That I dont do rock climbing.

That I am not as interesting as you are.

That I am such a boring person.

Day Dream

Over lunch with my colleagues today, I found out 2 of my colleagues are getting married and 1 of them getting engaged next year.

Initially I did not even dare imagine it, but then my mind rendered me to day dreamland. There she was, in her wedding gown, with the brightest smile ever. Standing beside me, I was in my tuxedo. She was my bride... woah, what a sight, overwhelming. She was smiling, she looks so beautiful... mesmerizing, breathtaking... as I am looking at her right now.

Yeah, its all crazy thinking, and I'll leave it as it is, I will not think of it again, because I know, its not that simple and its not gonna happen.

恋爱通告 Love In Disguise (2010)

Loved the music part, love the comedy, and love the romance. I'd definitely recommend this movie, although some parts are illogical.