What I Saw When I Look at My Grandma

Major black out today, most parts of Sarawak had it. Which most certainly include my home and area. Had "candle light dinner" at Pending Seafood, lot's of insects and the fish was not fresh. Not forgetting to mention it was expensive, what we paid for 3 was what we usually would pay for 4.

My father decided that since we can do nothing at home due to the black out, he took us to visit my grandma. I wondered why because we don't usually do that on other days except Sunday nights and her place probably black out too.

Then my father said that she is in the hospital, Normah Hospital to be exact. My father said he wasn't informed by my auntie before, which means it was kept a secret from him. From what I've heard, my grandma was itchy and so she scratched herself until ......

So there I was, next to my grandma, looking at her. Her skin, it was like semi-transparent, I could see the bleed under the skin, like the blood vessels burst or something. Her skin were all wrinkled up, plus the semi-transparent look, it seemed like it was fake skin, plastic wrapped around her.

When I looked at her and I remembered what my father said, I wondered for a second, I'm not sure what I was thinking, would it be better off if she was dead? What would life be good for if you're this old and even your body seems like it is rejecting you? Then i remembered, only one thing lasts forever. It's not how long you live, but are you sure about the truth, the way life is, the way things really work, if there really is life after death, if a God really existed?

I'm pretty sure about the answers, though I may not hold infinite wisdom and doesn't know everything, I'm still searching to know even more though. If you wanna know more about what I've learnt or discuss about things, feel free to drop a comment or at chatbox/msn/skype or by other means possible.

Feeling the Pressure, the Heat, the Weight

Week 2 since the start of life in Swinburne.

There are only two things that I care in my life now, one is church, the other is my life in Swinburne. Sad to say that my life at home is not listed, it didn't go in my mind when I was thinking what matters to me now.

1. Church
I really really care about my care group, which is student care group, the kids are a big concern for me now. Especially with the new people coming in, I get to know so much of them that it makes me depressed. I wonder what is wrong with me? I have become so melancholy or however you spell it. I just can't open my mouth, speak the truth and tell them things that would hurt my image in their eyes although it is true, it is what they don't like and it is what I am supposed to do. Apart from the student care group, is the student camp. I am not doing my job, I know what I'm suppose to do but it's not what I'm good at and I have done nothing, I feel so bad about it. Things wont be done if I don't do my job, the camp is such a huge thing and it wont do itself although other people would do in my place, it's supposed to be my responsibility and I feel really bad, don't forget to mention I'm gonna disappoint people that have hope and expectations in me.

2. Swinburne
My social life here is getting better, though it is not fast, but it is progressing. I will shine when you know me and these people will have the chance to know me in time. I feel that I am starting to shine, like the light in this world. Don't forget to mention assignments, though they are not like homework, they are like projects! There is one assignment, we are required to pass it up on week 4 and now is already week 2! The count down is so obvious here. I've done a little research about it and to be honest, the little is at a level of minimum, which is not good.

Well so far, things are starting to heat up for me. I am starting to feel the pressure, the heat and the weight but one thing I know for sure is God's grace is sufficient for me.

College/University life?

Without realising it, my 1st week at Swinburne is almost over. So how do I feel? Let's see the things I've encountered this week that could potentially be my life for foundation year, which are mostly unpleasant XD

1. Class ending way before scheduled time.
2. Class canceled as if they were nothing.
3. Class canceled without informing us.
4. Foundation students dont matter.
5. Assignments that are obviously not gonna be easy.
6. To pass is not to excel in exams.
7. Blackboard gonna be a very important instrument here in Swinburne.
8. I'd really have to organise things, especially myself and my bag of subjects.
9. I have an average of 5-6 hours per day of free time, to either study or do assignment or go online or nap or lie around or do nothing.
10. New challenges ahead in terms of time, mentality, work, finance and others.

Not gonna be easy but I wouldnt want it another way which is lot's of challenges that are gonna do good for me.