Over and Over Again

I've gotta vent this out, and there's no where or no one I could do it wholeheartedly to, so I'll just do it here.

From 23-26 Oct 2014, I went back to Kuching for a short break after a long flight. Actually I've already went back home earlier in the month, from 7-12 Oct 2014 and I wasn't planning to go back again in the same month. Of course I'd love to go back to Kuching as much as possible, but if it wasn't for this very reason, I think I would have just toughed it out and stayed back in Singapore.

So, what made me change my mind, well, it was a friend whom I haven't met for a long time but had kept in touch with. It's Sharon. I was actually pretty excited to meet her, can't remember when was the last time we met. We were suppose to meet the last time she was in town, however she was sick and circumstances made it so we can't meet and catch up.

For the entire duration of my little break at home, we hang out quite a lot. With lunch and drinks and movies and playing laser tag. It was really fun.

However, other than fun, I felt really happy. Being able to have so much fun, to be so natural and comfortable around someone, it truly is something special. Also having that person be your best friend. It's crazy how one can fall for the same person over and over again. For me, it's the third time...

I remember the first time I had fell for her, it was love at first sight, some might call it puppy love. It was back in secondary school, it was 2004 when I was 14 years old in Form 2, she was in peralihan, I was just right outside my classroom on the third floor, and she caught my eye walking amongst the crowd at ground level. I remember it was one week or 10 days before her birthday that I knew her. It was the first time in my life where I bought a present for a girl.

Fast forward to the second time, coincidentally she was in Singapore too, working here. We hanged out a lot, ate together, watch movies together, went shopping, we just spent a lot of time together. 

And then this was the third time.

While writing this, it just hit me. For everytime I had fell for her, I had my heart broken too.

There are so many reasons why we can't and won't be together. One of which is of the biggest reason is because she never liked me. But other than, I've become too good for her and I really deserve better. I've had a lot of advice from friends and family, and they all say the same thing. They are all right, it's just, sometimes, feelings are so strong.

But I'm okay right now, possibly why I'd fall for her that last time was because I was lonely too, according to some people, and in a way they are right.

True love? I don't know. But it's definitely something special to be able to fall for someone over and over again for more than half your life. Regardless of what happens in the future, she will always have a special place in my heart, that's all I can say.