Why am I going through all this?

So I had to go to work, but when I was in the briefing room, all I could think about was the situation, what was going on. It was distracting me all the way, I was so worried it would affect my work because I hadn't been flying for more than a week already.

Well I got lucky, I was able to focus on my work, or rather the job managed to distract me a little. But after landing, the whole situation overwhelmed me again. Even when I was sleeping, I think I had another bad dream.

So around the evening almost night time, she was online in facebook. So I just asked casually if she would be back on the 17 or 18th, but she didnt reply me. However she did chatted with her sis. So she really didn't to talk to me. What's the big deal? What's happening actually?

What explanation is gonna come my way? What am I gonna hear? I only wanted to know why she bolted off to Penang just like that. But maybe I will get more than I had bargained for, maybe this time I will lose her, even as just a friend.

All this while, I wasn't chasing or courting her, I was just being nice to her, treat her with all my heart. With all my heart, I just did what I sincerely wanted to do, nothing more, I didn't want to win her over, I didn't try to win her over, not even once I thought of it, I just wanted to be nice to her, to treat her well...