As Clear As The Blue Blue Sky

I finally manage to tell her everything. Well ok, not everything, but quite a lot. Yeah it does hurt, a bit, but it was the right thing to do. It hurts not because I couldn't be with a girl I liked. The thing is, I don't like her, it hurts because somehow it felt like I lost. Stupid pride hahaha.

Before I had already thought of the future being with her, what I have to do and stuff. Before I had done so many stupid things, one of it includes buying a camera almost RM5000 for her.

God worked His magic, and things are gonna work, for me at least, because I have the favor of God upon me. Well good luck to her and her boyfriend.

Why am I going through all this?

So I had to go to work, but when I was in the briefing room, all I could think about was the situation, what was going on. It was distracting me all the way, I was so worried it would affect my work because I hadn't been flying for more than a week already.

Well I got lucky, I was able to focus on my work, or rather the job managed to distract me a little. But after landing, the whole situation overwhelmed me again. Even when I was sleeping, I think I had another bad dream.

So around the evening almost night time, she was online in facebook. So I just asked casually if she would be back on the 17 or 18th, but she didnt reply me. However she did chatted with her sis. So she really didn't to talk to me. What's the big deal? What's happening actually?

What explanation is gonna come my way? What am I gonna hear? I only wanted to know why she bolted off to Penang just like that. But maybe I will get more than I had bargained for, maybe this time I will lose her, even as just a friend.

All this while, I wasn't chasing or courting her, I was just being nice to her, treat her with all my heart. With all my heart, I just did what I sincerely wanted to do, nothing more, I didn't want to win her over, I didn't try to win her over, not even once I thought of it, I just wanted to be nice to her, to treat her well...

Nightmare

I had my first nightmare after such a long time, all because of what had happened...

How would you have felt?

Last message that you received from her "ok I will text you when I wake up".

And so you constantly wake up since 7am to check your phone if there were any messages even though you slept at 3am. Up until 1pm, there's still no sms. So you sent her a message checking if she is still sleeping.

Then she told you, she is already in the airport, what is going through your mind?

You are hungry, you haven't had your lunch because you two promised to meet for breakfast. After all that waiting, and she is already in the airport. What more she doesn't want to tell you whats happening, only that she is not going to work. Then what is she doing in the airport? Where is she going? Why is she going? And she wouldn't tell you a single thing.

Feeling puzzled, left out in the dark, angry and hungry. You hate it when you have no idea whats going on, what is happening. And again, all you can do is wait...

Options

I've been crazy about this girl, I get to know her and got close to her and stuff. Just for the record, when I'm with her, I feel so close to her.

When we went back to Kuching together, I was really glad she made time for me. Of course there were times she didn't reply my messages, but we actually hang out, went for breakfast, watch movie, played L4D2 and went to k fest together. I really felt closer to her than ever, especially when we went out with her sis and mum. I really felt I had a shot and her family really liked me.

So lately, I've been chatting with her sis a lot, and I mean A LOT. I like her sis, she's cute, cool and nice. But she has been a little colder to me and the things that I dont like about her keep popping out. So then, just suddenly, I felt like I had an option, I have choices. So what is wrong with me? Yeah I met her first and stuff, but what am I doing? I dunno, maybe I'm just confused, like usual...

Yeah, I'm a despo... Just some girl treats me nice and I thought that there might be a chance for something special. Maybe I'm just lonely, but I still wait to meet the correct person, the perfect one.

I'm done with my rant, peace out guys.