Over and Over Again

I've gotta vent this out, and there's no where or no one I could do it wholeheartedly to, so I'll just do it here.

From 23-26 Oct 2014, I went back to Kuching for a short break after a long flight. Actually I've already went back home earlier in the month, from 7-12 Oct 2014 and I wasn't planning to go back again in the same month. Of course I'd love to go back to Kuching as much as possible, but if it wasn't for this very reason, I think I would have just toughed it out and stayed back in Singapore.

So, what made me change my mind, well, it was a friend whom I haven't met for a long time but had kept in touch with. It's Sharon. I was actually pretty excited to meet her, can't remember when was the last time we met. We were suppose to meet the last time she was in town, however she was sick and circumstances made it so we can't meet and catch up.

For the entire duration of my little break at home, we hang out quite a lot. With lunch and drinks and movies and playing laser tag. It was really fun.

However, other than fun, I felt really happy. Being able to have so much fun, to be so natural and comfortable around someone, it truly is something special. Also having that person be your best friend. It's crazy how one can fall for the same person over and over again. For me, it's the third time...

I remember the first time I had fell for her, it was love at first sight, some might call it puppy love. It was back in secondary school, it was 2004 when I was 14 years old in Form 2, she was in peralihan, I was just right outside my classroom on the third floor, and she caught my eye walking amongst the crowd at ground level. I remember it was one week or 10 days before her birthday that I knew her. It was the first time in my life where I bought a present for a girl.

Fast forward to the second time, coincidentally she was in Singapore too, working here. We hanged out a lot, ate together, watch movies together, went shopping, we just spent a lot of time together. 

And then this was the third time.

While writing this, it just hit me. For everytime I had fell for her, I had my heart broken too.

There are so many reasons why we can't and won't be together. One of which is of the biggest reason is because she never liked me. But other than, I've become too good for her and I really deserve better. I've had a lot of advice from friends and family, and they all say the same thing. They are all right, it's just, sometimes, feelings are so strong.

But I'm okay right now, possibly why I'd fall for her that last time was because I was lonely too, according to some people, and in a way they are right.

True love? I don't know. But it's definitely something special to be able to fall for someone over and over again for more than half your life. Regardless of what happens in the future, she will always have a special place in my heart, that's all I can say.

UPSR 华语作文 : 我最尴尬的时刻

有一天, 我独自一人到我公司不遠的餐厅吃午餐。那里的餐厅人山人海, 仿附像到了一个有几千人的廣场。我看到有位就赶快坐下, 不然就会被AUNTY强走咯。突然间, 在人海茫茫中, 我看见了一个很熟悉的背影。他皮肤白思, 身体很fit。对! 他是我朋友 Anderson Lai. 难怪我看的见, 因为他太帅了。

当时,我不敢100 confirm 是他,因为他的头发很塌。可是我还是股起了勇气去say hello. 当我搭一搭他的肩时, 被他身边的朋友用很奇怪的眼神看我。没关系因为他们没看过 "罗志祥" 在kuching。可偏偏Anderson 用他那一脸迷獲的看了我几秒。他认不得我!! 当时尴尬值术暴表。还好过了几秒他代上眼镜就认出了我。可能是他那碗laksa太ho chiak. So 他忘了我。我们聊了几句就回去吃饭。

幸亏他认得我,不然我的那双batu 鞋在他的laksa中游泳。经过了这些事之后, 我 confirm那是我这生中最 Lap Bin 的事刻

The Nightmare Realization

A man's greatest realization could be from his nightmares.

Wake up from today's nap with tears in my eyes and fear in my heart.

The dream was about my sis and I falling sick to the same illness where we needed the bone marrow from either one of our parents. Our dad willingly volunteered himself, knowing that it would cause great harm to him. 

And throughout the whole thing, my mum was there taking care of us. The hard work, the care and her worrying the whole time, was a sight of horror while I just lie there watching from my bed.

Woke up earlier than I had to because I just couldn't continue this nightmare... with great realization that what is the most important thing to me right now. And it has been 2 months since I went back home...

I guess that's why it's called "waking up", both literally and figuratively.

Rejection and Lesson Learnt

I think the picture pretty much explains everything. It all started Thursday night where she got angry at me for like no reason at all. I couldn't sleep well that night, went to bed at 1am and woke up at 6:45am. I think that was the beginning of the end. Then in the afternoon, after I pass the things to Super, I receive this message. I think it's very unfair to me. Getting rejected even before I get to confess.

I had been betrayed, I don't think it was Tang, but rather I suspect it was Super whom I trusted and thought would help me. I guess this is the lesson learnt. Girls are different from guys. When girls ask guys to help them chase their guy friend, the guys wouldn't hesitate to help. But when guys ask girls to help them chase their girl friend, they tell their girl friend everything and feel like its troublesome and annoying. So bottom line is, never seek out girl's friends to help you chase her.

Yeah, I admit I made a mistake. I'm not perfect, I'm still learning and I will be the first to admit and try to change them. She is actually a really nice girl, and I even failed this one. There is really a problem with me. Maybe I will be single just like my big bro Wayne. Guess it's time to take a break. We are still friends though. I've also bought a nice little watch for her, and I plan to put it on the wrist of that doll that Lester's girlfriend Sue has too and give it to her during her birthday. Just ask Super their room address and drop it in front of their door. But that's like January 21st. We'll see how is it by then, I've already applied my annual leave for that date though. But really, we'll see how it is by then, whether I still like her, whether... there are many factors to take into consideration, so we'll see.

That's it for now, I think I apologised a lot today, and to different people. But here I wanna apologise to my bro Poh Chun for being in such a messed when he asked me out for lunch today. Appreciate!

Update on Ms Y²

I've tried to ask her out *cough*date*cough* a few times now, I've been back to Kuching twice since she came. Disregarding the first time where we met at The Spring and the second time when I gave her some Porkies snack at her uni faculty, I have yet to go out and have a meal with her. It's pretty disappointing as I am not always in Kuching all the time, also I am really eager to meet her although I won't know what to do when we do meet, I went back to Kuching for her being the main reason for just a shot at being able to meet her. Well, it's like she is dodging me, throwing me excuses time and time again, which I get it. As polite or nice or reasonable she tries to make it sound, it is pretty obvious that she doesn't wanna go out with me, yet. Also, chatting with her isn't going smooth as well, yeah one could reason that she is busy bla bla bla, but that's really not the case. Her replies and getting shorter and slower, and she hasn't replied me until now although she saw the message, and I assure you it's a "replyable" message/topic.

Yeah, I'm feeling very down and devastated now, but I know how I shouldn't let her be the center of my focus. I should do my things, continue with my life. She is not obliged to reply any of my messages, I should just be glad to be able to chat with her and not expect anything. I know she doesn't like me, nor is she testing me, it's pretty obvious, but I am not gonna give up, not on this girl. Because she is worth it, and also because I really really like her.

Anyways, I have a friend who kept on throwing this question at me,  how are you so sure you like/love her? What do you like/love about her? Do you even know her? And I've found my answer.

First Met on 13/9/2013

Today was a pretty interesting day.

Woke up in the morning at 9am, even though I had my alarm set to ring at 10am. It was raining, the weather was cool, it was perfect for sleeping, I had the curtains drawn, it was pretty dark here in my room, but I just couldn't get myself to sleep that few minutes more.

Got up and texted her, asking her if we are still on for lunch, which I had previously booked her a few days ago. Her reply was totally unexpected and it made me really emo, she said she has buddy gathering. I lost all my mood and just said ok...

So what am I gonna do now? All my plans, all my hopes and expectations, everything that I had waited for, crushed. Well life goes on right? Check the cinema if there is anything good and to my surprised, Kick Ass 2 was still showing. So I went for brunch, had laksa then rushed over to GSC. RM8 for the whole cinema lol, totally worth.

The movie inspired me a lot, gave me courage, and helped me to not give up. So I sent her a text, kinda forcing her to go out with me. I used the words "so when can I bring you out?". Went to have a hair cut after. When I was having my hair cut, she replied saying she will go to The Spring with her friends and asked if I wanted to meet her there. Of course I'd say yes!

After my hair cut, I went home to get the chocolates that I wanted to give her, then went over to The Spring. She said she would be there at 2:30pm, but somehow I was there before her and I reached around 2:40pm. So when she said she was there and asked where was the gift shop, I told it was at the basement. I headed over to the basement.

At the ground floor there, was the first time I saw, from afar, she was looking the at directory with her friend. I stunned for a second, and actually went to hide behind the board so she won't see me while I looked at her for a second, it was really her! For the first time ever, I'm looking at her, in real life, in person. After that, I continued walking towards her, pretending to be busy looking at my phone, she didn't saw me at all. Until I was behind her and I said, basement was downstairs, she turned around and said "eh, hello."

So I helped her and her friends around the afternoon, becoming their tour guide at The Spring. What I really never expected was, her voice would sound like that (coz you wouldn't expect that kind of voice coming from that face). No it wasn't rough or something, it was just, not expected. Though I also never tried to guess how she would sound like.

I also took the opportunity to take notes, what she likes, what she needs, etc. For example, I found out that she drinks green tea with the specific brand of OJK and also she uses CIMB card, so I can research where in Kuching has CIMB ATM machines (if anybody knows, please help me out). Oh yeah, she chia me Starbucks also, I feel a little bad, but I really didn't had much money left, but still enough, didn't know why I didn't reject her offer. Also I think we interacted pretty well, and by that I mean I didn't freeze that much and acting all shy and quiet and awkward. Overall I was pretty satisfied and happy.

I contribute a big part of my luck today to watching Kick Ass 2. Ps, it was a really great movie.

Number and Lunch

Days are getting closer, coming to my last sector before I can get home. Chat with her today, the longest since last week, since uni started for her. From the way we chat, I'm very conscious that she would actually share things with me, more like mini problems, like she only has a week or two week break during year break.

I asked her out, and her reply was she was very busy. Not sure if she doesn't feel safe to go out with me yet or she really is that busy, but I prefer to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe her. However she did leave open a door, which is around lunch time, 1-2pm. So I booked her for Friday, and manage to get her phone number. Oh boy, I'm so excited.