Struggling

And so, ever since I knew she had a boyfriend, I start acting weird. I know I've talk it through with a friend and yeah, his words makes sense, but, it still feels bad. I still feel like crap, everything still feels like it sucks. I know I also said about my motto and stuff, but still, it doesn't feel good.

I still hope I can stay true to my motto.

It feels as though

The sun doesn't shine anymore

The rainbow lost its colours

That colours feel so dull

That happy love songs became slow-rhythm-ed

The world had stopped spinning

My heart has stopped beating

I don't wanna talk anymore

I don't feel anything anymore

I don't care anymore

Friendship and Relationship

I bet that, when a person likes someone, he definitely cant wait to get that girl, you know, to have that girl as his girlfriend. However, I have met one of the oddest cases ever.

I realised that I really enjoyed this friendship, and I really cant imagine being in a relationship with her. I mean, I cant imagine holding her hands, or going out on a date with her, or having dinner with her . As friends, I feel much more joy, I feel that I am free to express myself or be quiet and just listen, and things wouldn't be awkward.

I can go on without a relationship, but I definitely don't want to lose this friendship. Of course I still wish the best for her, I still wanna look out for her and help her out when she needs it. As I like to say, as long as you are happy, I don't care what happens to me, I seriously think thats a good motto, and I'll be sticking to it.

…………等…………

I copied this note from a friend (shhhhhh). I think it is amazing, thats why I copied it, but she doesnt know, please dont steal it like I did =S

喜欢，是淡淡的爱;爱，是深深的喜欢… 我喜欢，却不敢爱… 喜欢，没有负担，我可以告诉你，我喜欢你~但爱，不行，我没法说出这个字，因为太沉重… 喜欢，没有自私，我可以陪你开心难过，没有顾虑~但爱，不行，因为总是有不受控制的离心力，太累了… 喜欢，没有带恨，我可以原谅你无数次，不后悔~但爱，不行，因为忘不了，做不到… 喜欢，没有心碎，我可以在哭过之后，笑着拥抱~但爱，不行，因为伤心过后，有个地方无法再次拼凑… 喜欢，没有理智，我可以抱着满满的幻想，不考虑结果~但爱，不行，因为我会被很多压得透不过气，接受现实… 喜欢，没有欺骗，我可以回答“是的，我喜欢你”~但爱，不行，因为那是承诺… 喜欢，没有背叛，撒娇闹脾气不讲道理都可以被原谅~但爱，不行，因为，那是种罪… 喜欢？爱？都再见了…要找回以前的自己…还能吗…

2 Months...

Today, I just realised, there is only 2 months left. I really enjoyed our time together, but on 26 January 2011, it might be the last time we meet, and the thought scares me. That I might never see you again, 2 months... only 2 months left...

Very common case

When I am close to you, I dunno what to say, I just wanna listen to your voice.

When I am near you, I dunno what to do, I just wanna look at you.

I will give you all the attention you require, I will be your best listener, I will try my best to remember everything about you.

When I dont see you, I keep on thinking of you.

When Im not with you, I keep on wishing that I am.

I know I am not the guy, that I am not the one.

That I cant teach you how to swim.

That I am not the outdoor person.

That I am not interested in physical activities.

That I dont do rock climbing.

That I am not as interesting as you are.

That I am such a boring person.

Day Dream

Over lunch with my colleagues today, I found out 2 of my colleagues are getting married and 1 of them getting engaged next year.

Initially I did not even dare imagine it, but then my mind rendered me to day dreamland. There she was, in her wedding gown, with the brightest smile ever. Standing beside me, I was in my tuxedo. She was my bride... woah, what a sight, overwhelming. She was smiling, she looks so beautiful... mesmerizing, breathtaking... as I am looking at her right now.

Yeah, its all crazy thinking, and I'll leave it as it is, I will not think of it again, because I know, its not that simple and its not gonna happen.

恋爱通告 Love In Disguise (2010)

Loved the music part, love the comedy, and love the romance. I'd definitely recommend this movie, although some parts are illogical.

In Singapore

Since moving to Singapore, my days havent been half as bad. In fact, I actually like going to class, because there is a certain "motivation".

Yeah there were times when I took the wrong bas and met some lousy taxi drivers, some not so nice experiences, but the "motivation" was good enough for me.

Other than that, I have phobia for relationships and I really hope that the phobia keeps me safe. Because from my relationships, I know that there is only hurt and regret. So, I better control myself and keep my distance.